


Starstruck

by ButterflyDragon



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Alternate Universe - K/DA (League of Legends), Alternate Universe - Star Guardians (League of Legends), F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 26,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23866195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyDragon/pseuds/ButterflyDragon
Summary: The Dark Star was destroyed, Zoe was defeated, Xayah and Rakan had been pulled back into the light.The Star Guardians have moved on. Ahri is an international sensation, as the face of K/DA, Lux and Jinx have gotten into acting, Ezreal proved himself good at soccer. Everyone is getting jobs and their paths are changing.But, the bonds forged in the flames of the First Star will never break, and they still keep in touch.Lets take a peak into those chat logs shall we?(Star Guardian group chat, with elements of other skins)
Relationships: Ahri/Akali (League of Legends), Ahri/Evelynn (League of Legends), Ekko/Taliyah (League of Legends), Kai'Sa/Sivir (League of Legends), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Rakan/Xayah (League of Legends)
Comments: 30
Kudos: 101





	1. Star Guardians

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is kinda a 'cool down' project, its a new enough format to me to be a good way through writers block but simplistic enough that it's something I can just sit down and write occaisionally. Hope you enjoy!

**Luxanna has created groupchat ‘SG’**

**Luxanna has added Jinx, Poppy, Janna, Lulu and Ahri**

**Luxanna has given Ahri Admin** **privileges**

**Luxanna:** Hi guys! I thought tit could be neat to make us all a group chat!

 **Luxanna:** @Ahri, sorry I only added you! I don’t know Sarah or Syndra’s number, so I figured you could add them more easily! :)

**Jinx** : firstly

 **Jinx:** how r u so hppy

 **Jinx:** nextly

 **Jinx:** this gon be chaotic as fcuk

 **Jinx:** I approve

 **Jinx:** finally

**Jinx has changed their nickname to ‘bestie’**

**Jinx has changed Luxanna’s nickname to ‘BORING’**

**bestie:** u rlly souldve disabled nicknames

 **bestie:** also ‘tit’

**BORING has changed their nickname to ‘Lux’**

**Lux has changed bestie’s nickname to ‘Bestie’**

**Lux:** You’re going to be a majority of the chaos here Jinx.

**Ahri:** idk about that

 **Ahri:** Syndras a Syndra

 **Ahri:** and Xayahs a Xayah

**Ahri has changed her nickname to ‘Foxy’**

**Foxy has added Syndra, MF, Ezreal, Soraka, Xayah, Rakan and Neeko.**

**Syndra has changed their nickname to ‘Balls’**

**Ezreal has changed their nickname to ‘M-Indiana Jones’**

**Xayah has changed M-Indiana Jones’s nickname to ‘Starboy’**

**Xayah has changed Rakan’s nickname to ‘Starboy 2.0’**

**Starboy:** But.

 **Starboy:** he came first?

 **Starboy:** I know you’re just sayin hes better

 **Starboy:** but

**Xayah has changed Starboy 2.0’s nickname to ‘OGIsBetter’**

**Starboy:** yah, that works

**MF:** what’s the deal with this?

**Lux:** I just figured it would be a nice way to stay in touch!

 **Lux:** What with K/DA and Ez’s soccer stuff.

**Bestie:** @Lulu @Poppy @Janna i cn see u rnt busy read chat

**Lulu:** I’ve been hear the whole time! I’m pondering a nickname!

**Bestie:** k 1 shortie here

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna shortie 2+tallie join us

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

 **Bestie:** @Poppy @Janna

**Starboy:** how the hell r u typing so fast

**Bestie:** its called copy/paste blondie

**Poppy:** I was washing the dishes Jinx

 **Poppy:** Which you could see

 **Poppy:** _clearly_

**Bestie:** wats ur point

**Janna:** I am here.

**Balls:** wondered where you were lurking.

**Foxy:** don’t you guys still live together @Bestie?

**Bestie:** yea y?

**Foxy:** couldn’t you just

 **Foxy:** yell irl

 **Foxy:** instwad of spamming chat

**Bestie:** ye y?

**Foxy:** …

 **Foxy:** nice to know Star Guardians are still more chaotic than K/da

 **Foxy:** which

 **Foxy:** there are way more sg than kda

 **Foxy:** but still an achievement

**Neeko:** Neeko thinks this is a great idea!

 **Neeko:** ooh, can people suggest nicknames for Neeko!

**Bestie:** adorable bean

**Neeko:** but Neeko is not a bean? Neeko is Oovi-kat?

**Foxy:** it’s a saying Neeko

 **Foxy:** she’s saying your adorable

**Neeko:** Oh!

 **Neeko:** Thank you Jinx!

 **Neeko:** but Neeko thinks ‘adorable bean’ is a bit long

 **Neeko:** maybe just ‘bean’?

**Foxy has changed Neeko’s nickname to ‘Bean’**

**Foxy:** looks good to me

**Bean:** Neeko likes! Thank you @Bestie!

**Starboy:** looking cool Neeks1

 **Starboy:** btw, @Foxy, hows Kai’sa doin?

**MF:** ^

**Foxy:** shes good

 **Foxy:** been checking out the Pizza girl ;)

**Starboy:** Im glad shes doin well

 **Starboy:** checking out checking out, or Ahri thinks shes checking out checking out?

**MF:** ^

**Foxy:** First of

 **Foxy:** _hey._

**Bestie:** oi the counting thing is mine!

**Foxy:** secondly

 **Foxy:** we’ve been eating pizza every time its her turn to cook for 3 weeks nw

 **Foxy:** which, consider that Kai’sa basically cooks every day anyway

 **Foxy:** bc she’s the only one who actually likes it

**Lux:** wait, it’s always the same gal?

**Foxy:** yeah, I think Kai’sa times it?

 **Foxy:** either that or she’s lucky af

**MF:** probs latter

**Starboy:** ^

 **Starboy:** lol, role reversal! ~

**MF:**

**Starboy:** I am sufficiently threatened

 **Starboy:** how do you even send nothing?!

**MF:** figure it out, Starboy

**OGIsBetter:** she just sends a space

 **OGIsBetter:** she got a friend to hack it so the messanger cant tell

**MF:** y tho Rakan

**OGIsBetter:** you took the last piece of chocolate! :)

**MF:** I TOLD YOU THAT WAS SYNDRA!

**OGIsBetter:** I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!

**Balls:** oh, it was me.

**OGIsBetter:** and you always lie so it _was_ Sarah!

**Ballls:** :)

**Xayah:** that’s mean Syndra

 **Xayah:** I can respect that.

**MF:** I’m so done. -_-

**Foxy:** hey @Lux, hows your acting going anyway?

**Lux:** Pretty well, thank you for asking!

 **Lux:** I’m playing a magic thief who has to hide her powers right now,

 **Lux:** it’s pretty cool, and my co-stars are super nice!

**Foxy:** glad to hear it

 **Foxy:** what about you @Bestie ?

**Bestie has changed her nickname to BestSpacePirate**

**BestSpacePirate:** i get to help with the BOOMS!

 **BestSpacePirate:** mostly cause we have like no budget

 **BestSpacePirate:** ziggsy lends a hand to

 **BestSpacePirate:** i think all the money went to getting sona and yas tbh

 **BestSpacePirate:** but that makes it waaaaay more fun

 **BestSpacePirate:** even if yas talks less then sona off set

**Foxy:** o rite

 **Foxy:** how’s Sona doing?

**MF:** ^

**Starboy:** I reiterate the above question

**BestSpacePirate:** wierdly snarky considering she cant talk

**Starboy:** Yup, sound =s like Sona

**Foxy:** the snark is strong in that one

**MF:** ^

**Balls:** well, this chat is certainly helping the celebrities keep in touch.

 **Balls:** with other, not-in-chat celebrities

**Foxy:** if you think this level of namedrops is bad, you should see the K/da chat Syn

 **Foxy:** or just chat to Eve

 **Foxy:** she’s the our most connected member

 **Foxy:** and she’s y’know

 **Foxy:** Evelynn

 **Foxy:** gtg, pizza time

**Starboy:** is it ‘cute Pizza girl’ again?

**Foxy:** duh

**Lux:** Which pizza place does she work for, anyway?

**Foxy:** uhhh

 **Foxy:** one sec

 **Foxy:** k asked Bokkie

 **Foxy:** its Shurimia Pizzaria

**Lux:** oh, is it Sivir?

**Foxy:** uhhh

 **Foxy:** asking Bokkie

 **Foxy:** k, Bokkie doesn’t know

 **Foxy:** one sec, making her get her flirting together already

 **Foxy:** three weeks of awkward flirting and still hasn’t asked her name

 **Foxy:** she’s more of a disaster than Ez

**Starboy:** HEY!

 **Starboy:** YOU AREN’T WRONG

 **Starboy:** BUT IT STILL HURTS!

**Foxy:** sorry, not sorry (:

**Xayah:** You’ve been pining after the same girl for how long now Inferior Rakan?

**MF:** Can you really comment on pining, you tsundere?

**Xayah:** IM NOT A TSUNDERE

**MF:** well you’re not one _now._

 **MF:** Say, @Ahri, do you still have the old chat logs?

**Foxy:** still busy

 **Foxy:** also yeah

 **Foxy** : also also yeah pizza girl is Sivir

**Xayah:** I STG I WILL BREAK YOUR PHONE FOX

**Foxy:** theyre on cloud

 **Foxy:** also muting chat a sec

**Lux:** Huh.

 **Lux:** Honestly, I prefer Birdio’s chicken.

 **Lux:** Mostly because I prefer Birdio.

 **Lux:** but Sivir’s nice!

**MF:** wait, you prefer fried chicken

 **MF:** bc you prefer the mascot?

**Lux:** Well, it’s kinda a long story, but Birdio was my very first friend!

**BestSpacePirate:** as her very 2nd frend

 **BestSpacePirate:** can confirn

 **BestSpacePirate:** the statu guy is cool

 **BestSpacePirate:** used to giv me free stuff b4 i got a job

 **BestSpacePirate:** i wroked for him 4 a bit

**Lux:** He’s actually how we met!

 **Lux:** I was visiting him, and he introduced me to his favourite delivery girl!

 **Lux:** I think he knew I wanted a friend my own age…

**BestSpacePirate:** defo knew I needed a sugar daddy

**Bean:** what’s a sugar daddy?

**BestSpacePirate:** …

**Lux:** Jinx!

**BestSpacePirate:** _the children were being quiet i forgot they were here_

**Lux:** I didn't even notice that.

 **Lux:** Jinx!*2!

**Foxy:** sorry Neeko, ask again later.

 **Foxy:** @everyone, I need a hand, who wants to be added to K/da chat?


	2. K/DA

** K/ ** ** DA **

**Foxy:** @Bokkie hey which Pizza place is it anyway?

**Bokkie:** Shurimia Pizza, why do you ask?

**Foxy:** talkin about you, Ez and Mf say hi

**Rogue:** Ez and Mf?

**Siren:** ahri’s brother and sister darling

**Rogue:** makes sense

**Foxy:** @Bokkie hey, what’s Pizza girls name?

**Bokkie:** what are you talking about!?

**Foxy:** that Pizza girl you’re flirting with,, duh

**Bokkie:** We aren’t flirting!

**Rogue:** surejan

**Siren:** oh sweetie, de nile isn’t just a river bokkie

**Foxy:** yeah sure, whats her name?

 **Foxy:** also, dead meme

**Rogue:** don’t care

**Foxy:** fair enough

**Bokkie:** we aren’t flirting!

 **Bokkie:** and I don’t even know her name!

**Siren:** what

**Rogue:** wat

**Foxy:** WHT!?

**Bokkie:** ask her yourself, if it matters that much.

 **Bokkie:** oh, speak of the devil.

 **Bokkie:** @everyone get your butts downstairs, foods here.

**Rogue:** ahri is sprinting

**Siren:** can confirm, she just ran past my door

**Bokkie:** AHRI WHY

**Foxy:** what? You told me to ask her myself :)

**Bokkie:** I DIDN’T MEAN SPRINT PAST ME WHILE IM PAYING TO SCREAM ‘HEY WHATS YOUR NAME, KAI’SA THINKS YOUR CUTE’

**Foxy:** technically

 **Foxy:** I didn’t name you

 **Foxy:** I just yelled, ‘a friend’

**Siren:** so she admits it now?

**Bokkie:** …

 **Bokkie:** I’m the only one she speaks to

 **Bokkie:** of course, Sivir’s going to assume it’s me

**Rogue:** suss

**Foxy:** anyway, you played it off well

 **Foxy:** ‘Sorry about her, she’s an idiot when we aren’t performing.’

 **Foxy:** ‘Don’t worry about it! Tell her my name’s Sivir… I guess you can ask for me next time now huh?

 **Foxy:** ‘who’s to say I haven’t been?’

 **Foxy:** ‘Im flattered, say, how is your work going?’

 **Foxy:** ‘Sivir, have my babies!’

 **Foxy:** ‘of course, my love!’

**Bokkie:** That last part is completely fake!

**Rogue:** wow you’re flirty

**Siren:** less… direct than my preferred techniques, but overall i’d give it about a 7

**Bokkie:** We aren’t flirting!

**Foxy:** …

**Siren:** …

**Rogue:** …

**Foxy:** anyone mind if I add someone?

**Rogue:** y tho?

**Foxy:** bc, maybe a second opinion will get it through her skull that shes being flirty, and so is Sivir

**Bokkie:** Ok, Sivir _definitely_ isn’t flirting

**Siren:** oh she is.

**Foxy:** like, not to push you Kaisy

 **Foxy:** but Sivir is definitely interested

 **Foxy:** and you seem to be too.

**Bokkie:**...I don’t buy it

**Foxy has added Luxanna to the chat.**

**Foxy:** backread and give your opinion Luxy

**Luxanna:** Wow

 **Luxanna:** So, everything up to ‘Sivir have my babies’ is accurate?

**Foxy:** yup!

**Bokkie:** yes…

**Luxanna:** Well, that is definitely interpretable as flirtatious,

 **Luxanna** : Why is it that you insist you aren’t flirting, if you don’t mind me asking Kai’sa?

**Bokkie:** because I’m not!

**Luxanna:** If you were though, why would you insist you weren’t?

**Bokkie:** …

**Luxanna:** oh, sorry Ahri, I’ve got to run!

 **Luxanna:** Jinx tried to cook, the kitchen is on fire!

**Luxanna has left the chat**

**Bokkie:** …

 **Bokkie:** Ahri?

**Foxy:** yes?

**Bokkie:** did she just leave so I’d be more likely to answer?

**Foxy:** honestly

 **Foxy:** with Lux

 **Foxy:** Jinx probably has lit the kitchen on fire

 **Foxy:** But that still could be either way

**Bokkie:** I mean

 **Bokkie:** it kinda worked

**Siren:** oh?

**Bokkie:** like, I guess

 **Bokkie:** I wouldn’t wanna admit it

 **Bokkie:** bc she is definitely flirting back

 **Bokkie:** and idk wtf to do about that?

**Foxy:** Babe, you are getting all the encouragement and tips we can throw at you

 **Foxy:** If you dont wanna use them on Sivir

 **Foxy:** we can go clubbing?

**Siren:** it’s been a while, now you mention it

**Foxy:** not our clubbing, Eve

**Siren:** boring

 **Siren:** but smart

**Rogue:** I’m down

**Bokkie:** all four of us just? Going to a club?

**Foxy:** yip! Kda needs some team building time anyway, if your down!

**Bokkie:** sounds fun I guess?

**Foxy:** whoo hoo!

 **Foxy:** on a team building note

 **Foxy:** @Rogue have I seriously never mentioned my siblings?!?

**Rogue:** not that I remember?

**Foxy:** well that needs to be fixed!

 **Foxy:** anyone object to me dragging some of them along?

**Siren:** it’s been a while since ive seen them

 **Siren:** so sure

**Bokkie:** ^^, it’ll be great to see Ezreal and Sarah again!

**Rogue:** wait, Ezreal?

 **Rogue:** as in the striker?

 **Rogue:** with the blink fouls?

**Foxy:** HAHA WHAT BLINK FOULS

 **Foxy:** MY _DUMBASS_ LITTLE BROTHER DEFINITELY HASN’T BEEN ABUSING HIS POWERS _HE SHOULD BE KEEPING SECRET_ TO WIN _SPORT MATCHES!_

 **Foxy:** HAHA

**Rogue:** I mean…

 **Rogue:** he usually just uses them to flex

 **Rogue:** and I was allowed to stab the other players

 **Rogue:** I really don’t know why he gets singled out

**Foxy:** wait

 **Foxy:** wut

**Rogue:** I played on same team

 **Rogue:** for like

 **Rogue:** a season

 **Rogue:** how is he?

**Foxy:** he’s good, still doing illegal archeological digs and failing to get laid

 **Foxy:** Y’know

 **Foxy:** Ezreal things

 **Foxy:** ok seriously how tf did I not know you were on his team for a while!?

**Rogue:** fake name

 **Rogue:** also, yeah, Im good with some +1’s

**Foxy:** that… raises far more questions

**Rogue:** so, how come Ezreal can teleport, anyway?

**Foxy:** point taken

 **Foxy:** gonna go invite them

** OGSG **

**DeleteTheLogs:** Hey guys, wanna go clubbing with K/DA sometime soon?

 **DeleteTheLogs:** haha, nope, not happening @AngryBirb

**DeleteTheLogs has changed their username to ‘TheFoxSaysSTFU’**

**TheFoxSaysSTFU** **:** there are far too many memories on those :P

 **TheFoxSaysSTFU:** like the valentine’s ones

 **TheFoxSaysSTFU:** and Rakans birthday

 **TheFoxSaysSTFU:** and Rakans birthday

 **TheFoxSaysSTFU:** and Rakans birthday

**AngryBirb:** SHUT!

**Peacock:** Oh I remember those!

 **Peacock:** haha, remember the time Ahri followed one of our dates?

**BootyHunter:** I still don’t know why Boki worked for you -_-

**AngryBirb:** Pure rage

**TheFoxSaysSTFU:** OK POINT TAKEN

**CinnamonOG:** Can Neeko come for the clubbing!?

**TheFoxSaysSTFU:** absolutely!

 **TheFoxSaysSTFU:** anyone else?

 **TheFoxSaysSTFU:** o rite!

 **TheFoxSaysSTFU:** @TwinkStar

 **TheFoxSaysSTFU:** apparently Akali played with you once?

 **TheFoxSaysSTFU** **:** under a fake name?

**TwinkStar:** wut

 **TwinkStar:** huh

 **TwinkStar:** well now I gotta come, if its two reunions in one!

**TheFoxSaysSTFU** **:** alright! Anyone else?

**Peacock:** Im always down to dance!

**AngryBirb:** guess Im coming then

**CinnamonCannibal:** Id rather decline

**EdgeLady:** ^

**BootyHunter:** not my scene, say hi to Kaisa for me tho

**TheFoxSaysSTFU:** will Do!

** K/DA **

**Foxy has added Neeko, Ezreal, Rakan and Xayah**

**Bokkie has changed Ezreal’s nickname to ‘a’**

**a:** Im never living that down am I?

**Bokkie:** You tried to speed run VoidPixel

 **Bokkie:** you almost broke the game

 **Bokkie:** 24 times

**a:** in my defence

 **a:** I got the record!

**Foxy:** bicker later, Planning time! :D

**Xayah:** …is it to late to back out?

**Foxy:** yes! >:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there's a pre-established chat with jokey nicknames here, so heres a rundown of the OGSG chat names: 
> 
> DeleteTheLogs: Ahri,   
> AngryBirb: Xayah  
> Peacock: Rakan  
> BootyHunter: MF  
> CinnamonOG: fairly obvious, Neeko  
> TwinkStar: Ezreal  
> CinnamonCannibal: Soraka  
> and finally, EdgeLady: Syndra


	3. Schemes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, no Star Guardians chats in this chapter! Don't worry, we'll be catching up with them next!

** K/DA **

**Foxy:** well

 **Foxy:** that went well!

**Rogue:** @a, rematch anytime

**a:** you’re on!

**Bokkie:** well the rematch certainly won’t be in the same place

 **Bokkie:** seeing as you two are _banned for life_

**Siren:** i was catching up with a friend the whole time

 **Siren:** i had nothing to do with it

**Bokkie:** and you felt the need to tell us because…?

**Siren:** …no reason

**Rogue:** suss

**Foxy:** Still, other than Kali and Ez breaking the place

 **Foxy:** That went great!

**Rakan:** we killed the dance floor Miella

**Xayah:** Of course we did, Miele

 **Xayah:** who could possibly compete?

**Siren:** …

 **Siren:** _i was on the same dance floor_

**Xayah:** exactly

**Siren:** _…._

 **Siren:** ahri? :)

**Foxy:** no, you cannot kill my sister

 **Foxy:** actually…

 **Foxy:** I kinda wanna see you try?

 **Foxy:** that would be a pretty rad fight tbh

**Xayah:** Im down

**Bokkie:** No murder please.

**Xayah:** nvm, that’s boring

**a:** wait, wasn’t their an ulterior motive to this?

**Foxy:** o rite!

 **Foxy:** star guardians clear out, K/DA business!

**a:** wait, wanna set up an arcade chat too?

**Rogue:**?

**a:** UH

**Foxy:** SUre Ez, you go do that!!!!

**Foxy has kicked a**

**Neeko:** Neeko greatly enjoyed the clubbing!

 **Neeko:** can Neeko come again next time?

**Foxy:** of course Neeks!

 **Foxy:** but still not when it’s just me and Eve, ok?

 **Foxy:** that’s a bit more… _intense_

**Neeko:** OK!

 **Neeko:** I will speak more later!

 **Neeko:** in main chats!

**Neeko has left K/DA**

**Xayah has left K/DA**

**Rakan has left K/DA**

**Foxy:** _soo_

 **Foxy:** Akali has a competitive side!

**Siren:** yes this was a good teambuilding experience

**Foxy:** @Rogue, whacha think of my siblings?

**Rogue:** Ez is chill

 **Rogue:** I will stab someone for Neeko

 **Rogue:** whats with Xayah/Rakan?

**Foxy:** whacha mean?

**Rogue:** you called them both siblings

 **Rogue:** and they date

 **Rogue:**?

**Foxy:** oh right!

 **Foxy:** yeah

 **Foxy:** none of us are _technically_ related

 **Foxy:** but we’re all a family!

**Rogue:** ah

 **Rogue** : your ‘Shen’ then

**Foxy:** yeah, that’s your older brother right?

**Rogue:** yee

**Siren:** @bokkie, only child gang join up

**Bokkie:** lol

 **Bokkie:** I swear I’ve heard you complaining about siblings though?

**Siren:** yeah, complaining, they’re talking about siblings they actually count

 **Siren:** my siblings can fuck off and get stabbed

 **Siren:** specifically raum

 **Siren:** raum can fuck off and take his nosy birds with him -_-

**Bokkie:** sorry I brought it up?

**Siren:** don’t be, i love bitching about that bird-brained jackass

**Foxy:** anyway!

 **Foxy:** what didya think Kai’sa?

**Bokkie:** it was fun!

 **Bokkie:** I… may try asking Sivir out?

**Rogue:**!

**Foxy:** you go girl!

**Bokkie:** No promises!

 **Bokkie:** say, does Ez actually have my number for that arcade chat?

**Foxy:** idk, but I can add you anyway

 **Foxy:** he’s busy trying to get Yas and Sona’s numbers out of Jinx

 **Foxy:** without letting her, the sister of a detective and pscho genius herself, figure it out

 **Foxy:** _when_ she already hates him

 **Foxy:** it’s glorious

**Rogue:** you two are in main

**Foxy:** fUCK

**Bokkie:** …I can’t believe I missed the tab button

**Siren:** so, what secret is ezreal failing to keep?

 **Siren:** or, the bit i actually care about, you have dj yasuo’s number and didn’t share?!

**Foxy:** didn’t you call his music ‘techno-crap’ the other day?

**Siren:** i want it for less… professional reasons my dear fox

**Rogue:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Rogue:** also, I don’t care about your secrets

 **Rogue:** I have plenty of my own

 **Rogue:** I was just warning ya before you said something you didn’t want us knowing

**Foxy:** aww, that’s sweet Kali!

 **Foxy:** also, Eve, he would kill you on site and he’s taken

**Siren:** i like a challenge

 **Siren:** wait

 **Siren:** dammit he’s taken

** Private messages (Succ-u-mum, FoxOff) **

**FoxOff:** :)

**Succ-u-mum:** hush, fox. i just can’t be bothered.

**FoxOff:** :)

** K/DA **

**Bokkie:** speaking of, do you still talk to Riven, @Foxy?

**Foxy:** Yup! She’s been promoted recently, she can finally drop that maid job!

**Bokkie:** good for her!

 **Bokkie:** who’s Jinx anyway?

**Rogue:** a nuisance

**Foxy:** a friend of Lux’s

 **Foxy:** how do you know her Kali?

**Rogue:** met her once through Kayn

 **Rogue:** they’re birds of a feather

 **Rogue:** hot and crazy.

**Foxy:** im cakclingwhy is this so accurate!!

**Siren:** more accurate than your grammar.

**Foxy:** fite me you caps lock-allergic succuhoe

**Siren:** sure thing you lie-allergic fox bitch

**Foxy:** behind Birdios???

**Siren:** as always

**Bokkie:** you guys really don’t have to make excuses to make out y’know

**Rougue:** ^

**Siren:** we’re not making out ?

**Foxy:** yeah, whacha talkin about Kai’sa?

**Rogue:** …

**Bokkie:** are you two actually serious??

**Foxy:** yee?

**Rogue has sent a video**

**Rogue has sent a video**

**Rogue has sent a video**

**Bokkie:** thx Kali

**Rogue:** I have more.

**Siren:** oh that!

**Foxy:** that’s not making out making out, that’s just friend making out!

 **Foxy:** y’know, how two hoes end an argument?

**Siren:** also, two seductresses fighting ‘make out’

 **Siren:** that just happens with everyone we fight.

**Rogue:** …

**Bokkie:** so, wait, you two aren’t a thing??

**Siren:** I literally asked her for yasuo’s number?

 **Siren:** less than 5 mins ago?

**Rogue:** ‘Eve’ and ‘monogamy’ don’t belong in the same sentence

 **Rogue:** ‘Ahri’ and ‘monogamy’ aren’t much better.

**Siren:** …well, you’re not wrong

**Foxy:** for Eve.

 **Foxy:** I flirt, not bang.

**Bokkie:** you aren’t even fighting in the second one though?

 **Bokkie:** wait.

 **Bokkie:** @Rogue, why do you have these?????

**Rogue:** uhhhh

 **Rogue:** old habits die hard?

 **Rogue:** I’ve deleted most of them

 **Rogue:** only kept the cute ones

**Foxy:** let’s file that under ‘things we should probably talk about, but won’t’

 **Foxy:** idk, I think we were drunk?

**Siren:** no, that’s from the time you threw up

 **Siren:** y’know, the really shitty guy?

**Foxy:** OHHH

 **Foxy:** yeah, the one you eviscerated right?

**Rogue:**?

**Bokkie:**????

**Rogue:** you were kissing after throwing up?

**Bokkie:** …not what I was going for but that too.

**Foxy:** Oh, @Bokkie, Arcade chat is up, adding you now

**Bokkie:** thanks!

** Private Messages (Kai’sa, Akali) **

**Kai’sa:** would it be weird of us to matchmake a little here?

 **Kai’sa:** also, would I be correct in assuming they need matchmaking?

**Akali:** yes and yes

 **Akali:** wanna plan?

 **Akali:** or just want to pull an Ahri

 **Akali:** grab someone from another chat

**Kai’sa:** the only other people I could ‘grab’ are also friends with Ahri though.

 **Kai’sa:** although, they would be onboard with it, %100.

 **Kai’sa:** which is kinda the problem with their objectivity.

**Akali:** I’m guessing that’s the ‘Arcade’ group?

**Kai’sa:** yes

 **Kai’sa:** sorry about all the cloak and dagger, I’m going to ask them all if they’d mind me sharing now Ezreal set up that chat.

**Akali:** np

 **Akali:** like I said

 **Akali:** I got plenty of secrets myself.

**Kai’sa:** Ok, getting the Arcade crew up to date rn.

**Akali:** planning time?

**Kai’sa:** planning time.


	4. Arcadia

** SG **

**Starboy:** Heya, @BestSpacePirate, did ya say you have Yasuo’s number?

**BestSpacePirate:** …why’d’ya wanna know, blondie?

**Starboy:** oh, y’know.

 **Starboy:** just a big fan?

**BestSpacePirate:** x to doubt

 **BestSpacePirate:** x

**OldLady:** x

**PixGang:** x?

**No:** x

 **No:** jinx made me

**Flashlight:** …X

**Starboy:** et tu Lux??

**Flashlight:** sorry Ezreal!

 **Flashlight:** but you aren’t a good liar!

 **Flashlight:** not that you’re obligated to share!

**BestSpacePirate:** ye he is

**Flashlight:** Jinx!

**BestSpacePirate:** c’mon! Yas is a buddy pal friend!

 **BestSpacePirate:** im lik, obligated to chek 4 hum

**Starboy:** it’s not like Im a stranger!

 **Starboy:** we’re old friends alright??

 **Starboy:** I just wanna catch up!

**Flashlight:** oh, that’s sweet!

 **Flashlight:** kinda like this chat then?

**Starboy:** yeah, that’s why I thought of him agaain!

**BestSpacePirate:** fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!!!!!!!!

 **BestSpacePirate:** dmed

**Starboy:** thx

**Balls:** aw, the free shows over?

 **Balls:** shame

 **Balls:** I was expecting you to drag it out at least another 5 minutes, nutjob

**No:** if you appreciate the show, try living with her -_-

**OldLady:** that would certainly be an effective deterrent to amusement.

**BestSpacePirate:** ah

 **BestSpacePirate:** im guessing you found the gifts >:D

**Flashlight:** oh god…

 **Flashlight:** what am I going to find? >.>

**PixGang:** well that would ruin the surprise, would it not?

**Flashlight:** oh fuck

 **Flashlight:** Ill be offline for a while now!

**RavensOfMurder:** holy shit

 **RavensOfMurder:** the child swore

 **RavensOfMurder:** @BestSpacePirate, wtf did you do???

**OldLady:** Apologies, none of our team will be online for a while.

 **OldLady:** Poppy and Luxanna are tracking Jinx down currently, while myself and Lulu clean up.

**PixGang:** Janna’s sending me for a twirl!

 **PixGang:** I’m cleaning the ceiling! :D

**MF:**???????

**Starboy:** @MF, @Foxy, check your dms

** ArcadeWarriors! **

**Ezreal has added Ahri, Caitlyn, Kai’sa and 5 others.**

**Ezreal has changed his username to EZ**

**EZ:** Hey guys!

 **EZ:** this is the Arcade chat I dm’ed you about setting up

 **EZ:** …as the title obviously shows.

 **EZ:** Im gonna shut up now!

**Yasuo:** A wise course of action.

**Ahri has changed their username to DarkSouls**

**DarkSouls:** DIBS!

**Riven:** DAMMIT!  
 **Riven:** I literally had it typed as well -_-

**DarkSouls:** sorry not sorry!

 **DarkSouls:** It’s a pun!

**Riven has changed their username to Poor**

**Poor:** fine

 **Poor:** this suits me better anyway

**Caitlyn has changed their username to NotSingle**

**EZ:** …I feel attacked

**Kai’sa:** ^

**MF:** ^

**Sona:** ^

**Qiyana:** …^

**DarkSouls** : gratz!

 **DarkSouls:** Im guessing that cop partner you’re always talking about?

**NotSingle:** yes

 **NotSingle:** when did Sarah change her username?

**MF:** ;)

 **MF:** you’ll never know

**Kai’sa:** hey guys,

 **Kai’sa:** so like

 **Kai’sa:** Ive been thinking

**DarkSouls:** dangerous habit :P

**Yasuo:** what about, magpie?

**Kai’sa:** about

 **Kai’sa:** maybe

 **Kai’sa:** telling some people about arcade stuff??

**DarkSouls:** Oh

 **DarkSouls:** you wanna tell the girls?

**Kai’sa:** yes

 **Kai’sa:** very

**NotSingle:** well,

 **NotSingle:** about that,

 **NotSingle:** I may or may not have already mentioned it to Vi?

**Qiyana:** What?!?

 **Qiyana:** wait

**Qiyana has changed their username to ‘Empress’**

**Empress:** What?!?

**NotSingle:** shes a detective too!

 **NotSingle:** and you try lying to your bloody girlfriend

 **NotSingle:** oh wait

 **NotSingle:** ;)

**Empress:** Do you wish to duel the great Qiyana?!!!!

**NotSingle:** come at me

**Kai’sa:** so uh

 **Kai’sa:** im guessing thats one yes, one no?

**NotSingle:** probably

**Empress:** I didn’t say _that_ little birdy

 **Empress:** Snipes should have spoken up sooner is all

 **Empress:** I’m sure you and the little fox’s choice in companions are worthy to know the Legend of the Great Qiyana!

**Kai’sa:** thanks for the vote of confidence QiQi

**DarkSouls:** ^

 **DarkSouls:** Id personally trust Eve with my life

**MF:** yeah, but you trust Synd

**EZ:** oh please, you know you like her really

**MF:** shut up Ez

**EZ:** hey, don’t shoot the messenger!

 **EZ:** aaand before she takes that as a suggestion.

 **EZ:** Im down for it

 **EZ:** honestly, knowing Akali, Im surprised she doesn’t already know!

**Yasuo:** I would be… uncomfortable with the specifics relating to me being shared, but overall willing to share the basics.

**MF:** I don’t trust anybody much

 **MF:** but I also don’t particularly care

 **MF:** so

 **MF:** btw, @NotSingle, drop-off may be earlier this month

**NotSingle:** I would reprimand the lack of professionalism, but informal communications are probably wise.

**MF:** and reports take ages

**NotSingle:** you will have to fill out your paperwork eventually Sarah

**MF:** not if I’m never at my desk

**NotSingle:** you tell yourself that

**DarkSouls:** ANYway

 **DarkSouls:** AS i was SAYING

 **DarkSouls:** I WOuld trust Eve with my life

 **DarkSouls:** and like Ez said Im surprisED Rogue doe

 **DarkSouls:** snt already know

 **DarkSouls:** But like

 **DarkSouls:** I is paranoid foxy

 **DarkSouls:** but eehhhhh

 **DarkSouls:** take my vote as a tie

**MF:** you ok?

 **MF:** that was less coherent than usual  
  


 **DarkSouls:** yee, just sleepy

**MF:** @Kai’sa, steal her phone 4 me?

**DarkSouls:** Im not THAT sleepy -_-

**MF:** X to doubt

**EZ:** X

**MF:** you’re spared

**EZ:** :D

**Poor:** so, this is a democracy?

**Sona has changed their username to Mut/se**

**Mut/se:** Seems it lol

 **Mut/se:** although a pretty unanimous one

**Poor:** well, tbh, this seems more like a ‘hey yall this is ok right?’ than a ‘is this ok?’

**Mut/se:** it’s a yes from me either way

**Poor:** same

**Kai’sa:** that’s everyone isn’t it?

**DarkSouls:** loks it

**Kai’sa:** Ahri go to sleep

 **Kai’sa:** you’ve been up since 4

**DarkSouls:** Skeeps fr rjr week

**MF:** please tell me you mean in the afternoon???

**Kai’sa:** …

**DarkSouls:** shhhhhhh]

 **DarkSouls:** YOuve done wose.}

**MF:** its 1 am

 **MF:** I was joking before, but actually steal her phone please @Kai’sa

**DarkSouls:** no need luv

 **DarkSouls:** i’ve already done so

 **DarkSouls:** ahri says ‘gimmie back pho-- *snore*’

 **DarkSouls:** i think the caffeine finally wore off.

**Kai’sa:** oh hey Eve!

**DarkSouls:** hey bokkie

 **DarkSouls:** how safe am i to backread?

**Poor:** you’re Evelynn right?

**DarkSouls:** if i wasn’t, i’d be concerned the strength of out locks

**Poor:** conversation above is literally us agreeing that you can read the convo above

**Kai’sa:** though we don’t go into it much anyway

**Poor:** that too

**DarkSouls:** speaking of the hour

 **DarkSouls:** you should probably go to sleep too bokkie

 **DarkSouls:** we have a practice in the morning remember

**Kai’sa:** Oh right!

 **Kai’sa:** night everyone!

**Poor:** night

**Mut/se:** night

**Yasuo:** goodnight magpie

**MF:** nite

 **MF:** pretty sure most of us passed out already

**Kai’sa:** it says a lot that im surprised

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Old Lady = Janna  
> PixGang = Lulu  
> No = Poppy  
> Flashlight = Lux  
> RavensOfMurder = Xayah


	5. Penguins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akali's rant was because I was writing at 3 am and it just came to me. Penguins are the best.

** K/DA **

**Rogue:** penguins are the best

 **Rogue:** theyre so classy

 **Rogue:** theyre perpetually wearing suits

 **Rogue:** but like

 **Rogue:** they aren’t stuck up about it

 **Rogue:** theyre constantly in evening wear

 **Rogue:** but theyre ready to go sliding anytime

**Bokkie:** PLEASE tell me you just woke up

**Rogue:** no y?

**Bokkie:** bc it’s 5am Kali

**Rogue:** ah

 **Rogue:** so it is

 **Rogue:** coffee pls?

**Bokkie:** …it’s on the side

 **Bokkie:** come grab it now, or it’ll get cold

**Rogue:** thank

**Bokkie:** what were you doing all night?

**Rogue:** had job

 **Rogue:** someone needed stabbing

 **Rogue:** y u up early?

**Bokkie:** nightmare

 **Bokkie:** and the penguin rant

**Rogue:** u ok?

**Bokkie:** yeah

 **Bokkie:** thanks for waking me up though

**Rogue:** np

 **Rogue:** need any help with breakfast?

**Bokkie:** no thank you

 **Bokkie:** it’s relaxing

**Rogue:** k

 **Rogue:** imma have shower after coffe

 **Rogue:** wake up properly

**Bokkie:** k

 **Bokkie:** @Foxy, @Siren, breakfast will be in a few minutes

**Foxy:** it’s 5am and i got both pings.

 **Foxy:** ill wake ahri up when its actually ready

**Bokkie:** You don’t have to!

 **Bokkie:** I can keep it warm for you two if you wanna wake up at a more reasonable time!

**Foxy:** no

 **Foxy:** wait

**Siren:** no

 **Siren:** your stress cooking is the best cooking

 **Siren:** ill happily get up at ungodly hours for it.

**Bokkie:** aww, thanks!

 **Bokkie:** im not that good though!

**Siren:** I disagree

 **Siren:** and I can think of at least one food critic who’d say the same

 **Siren:** you pour your heart into it

 **Siren:** you make it special

 **Siren:** …and im only being this nice because im half asleep, don’t get used to it and just take the compliment

**Bokkie:** yes ma’am :D

**Foxy:** Morning everyone!

 **Foxy:** It me

 **Foxy:** I took phone back while Eve was being all platonic tsundere

**Siren:** shut

 **Siren:** the duck

 **Siren:** up

**Foxy:** :)

**Siren:** _anyway_

**Rogue:** shower done, im ready to go!

 **Rogue:** oh hey guys, the penguin rant didn’t wake you up too did it?

**Foxy:** penguin rant?

**Rogue:** I’ll take that as a ‘no’

 **Rogue:** …ok, I found a new shower

**Foxy:** again?

**Rogue:** look, we have way too many showers. Just saying.

**Foxy:** that’s fair

 **Foxy:** I went a bit OTT with this place

**Siren:** which one is it?

**Rogue:** 2nd floor weird off corner room

 **Rogue:** I think

**Foxy:** you think?

**Rogue:** all of the corriders look the same

 **Rogue:** and I was half asleep

**Siren:** fair

**Foxy:** uh, did you mean to put the bit about stabbing?

**Rogue:** shit

 **Rogue:** no

**Siren:** what did they need stabbing for, luv?

**Rogue:** uhhh

 **Rogue:** valid reasons to murder people?

**Siren:** fair enough

 **Siren:** have a nice day

 **Siren:** and penguins are birds and thus inferior to non-birds

**Rogue:** *GASP!*

 **Rogue:** who hurt you???

**Siren:** my bitch ass little brother

 **Siren:** fuckin rat

 **Siren:** always snitching to

 **Siren:** people

**Bokkie:** uhhhh

 **Bokkie:** so @Foxy, have you backread Arcade chat yet?

**Foxy:** yes

 **Foxy:** I was fiiinee

**Bokkie:** sure

**Siren:** hun, kali may be able to function on coffee and a shower, but you cannot

**Rogue:** wat dis?

**Bokkie:** you know how I mentioned asking ‘Arcade chat’ if they minded you knowing?

**Rogue:** ah

 **Rogue:** you got an answer?

**Bokkie:** yeah

 **Bokkie:** basically, they agreed we could tell you

 **Bokkie:** Cait had actually already told her gf, but eh

 **Bokkie:** we kinda all saw that coming

 **Bokkie:** she hasn’t been able to shut up about her since they met

**Foxy:** Kai’sa chill

**Bokkie:** right, rambling

 **Bokkie:** anyway, basic idea is

 **Bokkie:** uh

 **Bokkie:** ever played PixelVoid?

**Rogue:** yes

**Siren:** no

**Rogue:** it’s an action shooter

 **Rogue:** pretty freaky visuals

 **Rogue:** basically theres these horrific monsters in this weird, lovecraft place and you play as a girl who fell down there and wound up fighting to keep them there by bonding with one of them

 **Rogue:** well, shes a kid in the first one, the sequal she’s older and more ‘monstrous’ (read: badass altruistic hero willing to be damned by the world for the sake of saving it)

 **Rogue:** it’s a complex commentary on humanities inclination towards fear over rationality and morality told through the eyes of a character with every reason to fall into the same trap and yet doesn’t

 **Rogue:** and like, so much room to be edgy but it isn’t, almost entirely bc the protag is so sweet and any time things get too intesnse they’ll be some cute seen of MC finding something mundane and being exited and just

 **Rogue:** Ah!

 **Rogue:** So cool!

 **Rogue:** …I might be a fan…

 **Rogue:** why is Ahri laughing?

**Bokkie:** Ive never actually played, do you learn the girls name at any point?

**Rogue:** no

 **Rogue:** do you wanna play?

**Bokkie:** not rlly

**Rogue:** I have the first 2, I know a friend with 3,4&5 but I stopped playing when the ne w protag

 **Rogue:** oh

 **Rogue:** nvm

**Bokkie:** yeah uh

 **Bokkie:** the game kinda loses its appeal

 **Bokkie:** when you live it.

**Siren:** oh?

**Rogue:** wait

 **Rogue:** what

 **Rogue:** seriously?

 **Rogue:** thats so cool!!!

 **Rogue:** sorry if the rant got a little weord for you

 **Rogue:** wait, is that why Ahri was laughing?

 **Rogue:** whats tht giot to do with Ahri anyway?

**Bokkie:** that’s a remarkably… accepting reaction

**Rogue:** im literally friends with multiple urban legends

 **Rogue:** whats one more to the pile?

**Foxy:** that… probably makes sense?

 **Foxy:** but anyway

 **Foxy:** to answer your question

 **Foxy:** a villain named Veigar took over the arcade, dragged a bunch of gamers in and just generally made a nuicance of himself

 **Foxy:** Sarah was one of the ones he took, so me and Ez were looking for her and got dragged in too

**Siren:** wait, thats why you disappeared for the 5 years?

**Foxy:** basically.

**Rogue:** noice

 **Rogue:** so have _you_ played PixelVoid?

**Foxy:** hell no, that games hard

 **Foxy:** I just play Demacia Vice

 **Foxy:** honestly, I only play _that_ because I know the developers sister so I got it for free

**Rogue:** oh sweet that ones multiplayer

 **Rogue:** whats your user?

**Foxy:** uhh

 **Foxy:** my accounts pretty old, I barely play anymore

 **Foxy:** its probably not worth the effort

**Siren:** isn’t this the game you were playing yesterday?

  
 **Foxy:** …

 **Foxy:** that was payback for something, wasn’t it?

**Siren:** yup

**Foxy:** fiine

 **Foxy:** it’s FoxOff, Im a nerd

**Rogue:** wait, THE FoxOff???

**Foxy:** …yess

 **Foxy:** its embarrassing

 **Foxy:** Its like, completely against my

 **Foxy:** I m a g e

**Rogue:** lol, adding you now

 **Rogue:** ill only squee the first, say, 5 times I see you on my friends list

**Foxy:** its not that cool!

 **Foxy:** I probably cant even get that high a score anymore!

**Rogue:** you’re still a goddess in the game

 **Rogue:** literally

 **Rogue:** like, have you seen that cameo?

 **Rogue:** theres literally an in-game shrine to you

**Foxy:** yeah, that was a prank by the developers wife

 **Foxy:** I had a kinda rivalry with her sister, and it was around Cassi’s b-day when they were working ont the game so she talked Garen into adding it -_-

**Siren:** take it as a compliment

 **Siren:** that girl couldn’t think of a better present than mildly embarrassing you for her sister.

**Foxy:** true, true,

**Siren:** besides, it’s nothing less than you deserve foxy

**Foxy:** awe, thx babe!

** Private Messages (Akali, Kai’sa) **

**Akali:** and they wondered why we thought they were a thing

**Kai’sa:** that wasn’t that flirty was it?

**Akali:** …she LITERALLY called Ahri a goddess.

**Kai’sa:** and? Sivir’s made jokes like that before.

**Akali:** omg you’re oblivious,

 **Akali:** wait

 **Akali:** that actually makes sense now

**Kai’sa:** yeah, I suppose the Void wasn’t the best place to learn how to handle relationships.

**Akali:** hows that going anyway?

 **Akali:** Sivir I mean?

**Kai’sa:** Ill update you tonight.

 **Kai’sa:** Im ordering Pizza again, Im gonna ask her out!

**Akali:** noice!

 **Akali:** where are you planning on going?

**Kai’sa:** Yas has a concert, I’ve asked him for 2 tickets now I have his number.

 **Kai’sa:** Do you think she’ll like that?

 **Kai’sa:** it wont come of as bragging right?

 **Kai’sa:** like, I have other options but I know Yas is rlly popular?

**Akali:** Kai, chill.

 **Akali:** If Sivir is calling you a goddess before you even start dating

 **Akali:** I doubt reminding her you’re rich and connected is going to make you less appealing

**Kai’sa:** actually she calls me angel

 **Kai’sa:** I tipped generously first time we met, and she made a joke about how I was her angel

 **Kai'sa:** and it just kinda

 **Kai'sa:** stuck

**Akali:** thanks, Ive got diabetes now.

**18:43**

**Akali:** was that the doorbell?

**Kai’sa:** yes

 **Kai’sa:** Im not ready help

**Akali:** Kai’sa, you’re a badass singer who literally escaped hell then jumped into a chart-topping single.

 **Akali:** you two established cutsey nicknames before actual names

 **Akali:** you got this

**Kai’sa:** right, Ive got this!

** Arcade Warriors! **

**Kai’sa has changed their username to AlsoNotSingle!**

** K/DA **

**Bokkie:** Sivir said yes!


	6. Pastries!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This ones a little shorter, but I hope its still enjoyable!

** SG **

**Foxy:** question

 **Foxy:** K/DA needs a debate solving

 **Foxy:** would it be weird to spy on a friends first date?

**No:** yes

**Foxy:** that was fast

**No:** because spying on Kai’sa’s date with Sivir would be a terrible idea

**Foxy:** how did you know that was who I was talking about?

**No:** Sivir’s been ranting for the past 5 minutes about how ‘cute popstar regular’ asked her out

 **No:** -_-

**BestSpacePirate:** she accidently texted me instead of her best friend

 **BestSpacePirate:** and Tali was busy being a NERD

 **BestSpacePirate:** so we invited her over7

**OldLady:** *you

**BestSpacePirate:** oh come ooon!!!!

 **BestSpacePirate:** I owed Tali’s bf a solid

 **BestSpacePirate:** its win/win!

 **BestSpacePirate:** she does’t get pulled out of her dat to deal w/ her friend beig a Useless Lesbian tm,

 **BestSpacePirate:** and we get the good gossip!

**Flashlight:** guys, it’s rude to text when we have a guest!

 **Flashlight:** @No, stop pretending you don’t like Sivir Poppy :P

**No:** is it pretend?

 **No:** is it really?

 **No:** or do I just like free pizza?

 **No:** but also, sorry, I’ll turn it off now Lux

**OldLady:** To clarify, our team is in agreement with Poppy’s sentiment.

 **OldLady:** yes, that includes Jinx.

 **OldLady:** although, the reasoning in several cases is specific to this scenario.

 **OldLady:** it is our general consensus that Sivir would murder you before she even realised who you are.

**Foxy:** that’s… fair

 **Foxy:** probably would be creepy if they realised they were being watched

**RavensOfMurder:** you think youd have learned by now Fox

  
**OGIsBetter:** spying on dates with deadly weaponry = dumb dumb

**Foxy:** hey! Im not arguing _to_ spy on them!

 **Foxy:** …this time

 **Foxy:** my Siren and Roguey want to

 **Foxy:** Im trying to talk them out of it!

 **Foxy:** they’re reading over my shoulders now, say hi

**Starboy:** hey Kali! We need to plan that rematch!

**MF:** sup bitch

 **MF:** (not you Akali)

**Foxy:** Eve says ‘fuck you too’

 **Foxy:** I just Dm’ed you Akali’s number for her Ez

**Bean:** Neeko is confused

 **Bean:** why would you spy on a date?

 **Bean:** could you not just make it a double date?

**Foxy:** it’s their first date, so Akali and Eve want to be nosy and make sure that Sivir is as good as she seems

 **Foxy:** but I trust Kai’s judgement

 **Foxy:** we can save the antics for their _later_ dates ;)

**MF:** just make sure Kai’sy isn’t anywhere near Boki and Baki when you do -_-

**RavensOfMurder:** you’re really still mad about that huh?

**MF:** I rewatched the video

 **MF:** it reawakened the pettiness

 **MF:** shit gtg

 **MF:** nigt all

**Balls:** it’s only 11:24?

**MF:** did I stutter?

**Foxy:** and you were complaining about MY sleep schedule??

**MF:** shhh

 **MF:** I never said I wasn’t a hypocrite A

 **MF:** but also, IM just nocturnal, YOU just don’t sleep

**Foxy:** …fair

 **Foxy:** sleep tight

**Soraka:** have a good noon-nap!

 **Soraka:** @everyone we have a lot of leftovers today, we’re having to close early, what do you all want?

**Foxy:** oooh! K/DA will take any leftover snacks!

**Balls:** got any chocolate cakes left?

**Soraka:** yup!

 **Soraka:** quite a few actually, how many do you want?

**Balls:** yes

**Soraka:** ok

**Flashlight:** you know all our orders!

 **Flashlight:** do you want me to meet up with you?

 **Flashlight:** oh, Sivir wants to know if you have any Danish Swirls left?

**Soraka:** so, you’re usuals and a Danish swirl?

 **Soraka:** oh, and don’t worry about picking them up! I’m already heading in your direction! Me and Morgana are having a sleepover tonight, so Im getting a lift with her and her sister!

**Flashlight:** ok!

**Starboy:** got any of those pecan pastries left?

 **Starboy:** Yuuto is obsessed with them

**Soraka:** yes!

 **Soraka:** although, _you_ can pick them up yourself

**Starboy:** fair

 **Starboy:** omw

**Foxy:** ah right, want one of us to pick up our order?

 **Foxy:** well

 **Foxy:** pick up our generously offered freebies?

**Soraka:** that would be appreciated, yes

**Foxy:** omw

 **Foxy:** well, Eve is

 **Foxy:** she’s precious about her cars

**Soraka:** anyone else want anything?

**Bean:** Neeko is fine!

 **Bean:** I is busy

 **Bean:** many plans!

**OGIsBetter:** I am mildly concerned!

**RavensOfMurder:** Im more concerned whether you have any of those delicious blueberry muffins left?

**Soraka:** yes!

**RavensOfMurder has changed Soraka’s username to MuffinAngel**

**RavensOfMurder:** Im outside

** Pantheon’s Pastries Staff Chat **

**Soraka:** ok, my friends have stopped most of these going to waste

**Morgana:** let me guess, Syndra asked for all twelve of those chocolate cakes?

**Soraka:** mhm

 **Soraka:** Ill drop them off with Luxs stuff on our way

**Morgana:** Kayle wants the donuts

 **Morgana:** she is _such_ a walking stereotype

 **Morgana:** I swear to god

 **Morgana:** and then she asks why I don’t want to associate with her.

 **Morgana:** ever.

 **Morgana:** and then she causes us to get like, 20 noise compliants a day

**Soraka:** aren't half of them from you two arguing?

**Morgana:** exactly!

 **Morgana:** and the other half are just her.

 **Morgana:** so, they're all her fault :/

**Diana:** the kids want a mooncake

 **Diana:** or strawberry cake

 **Diana:** they’re still arguing about it

**Leona:** why not just get them both?

**Diana:** Leo

 **Diana:** babe

 **Diana:** no

 **Diana:** thats a terrible idea

 **Diana:** you know what Z's like on a sugar high

**Leona:** we could put whichever one they dont eat in the fridge?

**Diana:** we both know Allune would just talk us into just letting them have both tonight

**Leona:** …true

**Atreus:** I and Iula will take the bread

 **Atreus:** we were running low anyway

**Taric:** understood boss!

 **Taric:** Ill set them aside for you

 **Taric:** Im sure you’ll be working long after we’ve all cleared out :)

**Atreus:** ah, you know me too well!

 **Atreus:** there is always more work to be done

**Taric:** too right!

 **Taric:** Just don’t stay up too late, alright?

**Atreus:** you worry to much, Protector

**Taric:** that is my duty!

**Morgana:** @Soraka, our rides here

**Soraka:** on my way!


	7. Friday Night Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another shorter than usual chapter, but I honestly probably should've just had this and the last chapter as one. Might go back and fix that later, but rn I can't be arsed.

**Direct Messages (Akali, Ezreal)**

**Akali:** how are the rest of the team goin?

**Ezreal:** good, we’’re in the off seasn rn

 **Ezreal:** so it mostly chill on training

**Akali:** noice

 **Akali:** fancy a 1v1 kickabout?

**Ezreal:** sure!

 **Ezreal:** when are you free?

**Akali:** well, Bokkie’s date is satday

 **Akali:** so is friday good 4 u?

**Ezreal:** sounds good

**Akali:** so

 **Akali:** normal rules

 **Akali:** or Chaos FC rules?

**Ezreal:** a few of each mb?

 **Ezreal:** I can probably talk ram into being our ball for the chaos game

**Akali:** k

 **Akali:** ill bring the normal ball them

**Ezreal:** gotchu! Where do you want to meet?

**Akali:** idk

 **Akali:** tbh we baso have a soccer pitch out back

 **Akali:** wanna just come round?

 **Akali:** Im guessing you know where ur big sis lives

**Ezreal:** Yeah

 **Ezreal:** Iv’e not actually been there tho

**Akali:** noice, I can give you the tour

**Ezreal:** is it really tour-worthy?

**Akali:** yuuup.

 **Akali:** we could literlly never intract if we didt want to

**Ezreal:** jeez

 **Ezreal:** Ahri: impulse-control? Whats that? Do you eat it?

**Akali:** so, Ahri happened to glance over my shoulder right as you sent that XD

**Ezreal:** good! She gives _me_ grey hairs!

 **Ezreal:** and Im almost as bad!

**Akali:** she says that pointing out that youre a hypocrite doesnt make you less of a hypocrite

 **Akali:** and something about ‘the darkin incident’

 **Akali:** do I want to know?

**Ezreal:** eh, probably not.

**Akali:** k

 **Akali:** gotta get to practice

 **Akali:** see ya Friday

**Ezreal:** See you then!

**Direct Messages (Ez, X)**

**X:** yo, Starboy!

**Ez:** yee?

**X:** wow

 **X:** crud

 **X:** was not expecting you to reply tbh

**Ez:** you’re typing in full sentences, whats wrong?

**X:** Im only doing this out of respect for our long and hard worn friendship

 **X:** …

 **X:** Im asking Luxy out

 **X:** friday

 **X:** just giving you a heads up

**Ez:** congrats for then,then

 **Ez:** what’s the big plan?

**X:** …dude, I was expecting you to be all sad but hiding it

 **X:** but your just genuinely chill?

**Ez:** two things:

 **Ez:** I can be sad later when she says yes

 **Ez:** and you’re a bucket of nerves rn if you’re admitting to being nice

 **Ez:** plus, me and Lux haven’t been a real possibility since high school

**X:** bro

 **X:** you’re an awesome bro Ez

 **X:** tell anyone I said that, and you’ll meet Kuro’s business end.

**Ez:** yeah I know :)

 **Ez:** anyway, spill, whats your grand plan?

 **Ez:** I know you have one

**X:** so,, we have mvie nite frdays

 **X:** and its my trn to pck

 **X:** so im gona put on Luxy’s faeve movie

 **X:** which, she always turns into a cuddle pile bc shes a SAP

 **X:** and tehn, when te othres got o bed

 **X:** imma sak her if she wants to go to the premier of my show as my date.

 **X:** and thats a while a way so we can has other dats and stuff b4 carpet nite

**Ez:** that’s super thought out!

 **Ez:** well

 **Ez:** by your standards

**X:** yeah

 **X:** so, what’s your money on how I fuck it up?

**Ez:** hmm

 **Ez:** you let nerves get to you, fumble the asking, but Lux gets what your trying to say and turns the suaveness on _you_

**X:** uh, scuze u!

 **X:** I have oodles of suave

 **X:** oodles I tell u!

 **X:** heh

 **X:** oodles

**Ez:** exactly

 **Ez:** you’ll be fine :)

 **Ez:** you’re awesome lil’ sis

**X:** ew, sap

**Ez:** Yup

**X:** y’know weree rlly selctiv wit the sibling thing

**Ez:** entwined destinies, or the desire to bone?

 **Ez:** which is stronger?

**X:** EW

 **X:** DOD U HAV 2 WRD IT LIK THAT

**Ez:** of course! :P

** JinxStopChangingTheChatName**

**Yrulikthis:** hey, @Sanity, could you pick me an order up on your way home?

 **Yrulikthis:** it’s on you’re usual route, some scrap was going cheap

**Sanity:** of course I shall

 **Sanity:** send me the location?

**Yrulikthis:** sent

**Sanity:** ah, that should be no trouble

 **Sanity:** I actually pass directly by that place

**Yrulikthis:** thx

 **Yrulikthis:** id get it myself, but the forge is running.

 **Yrulikthis:** and jinx is the only other one home

**ShesSweet:** oh, wheres Lulu?

**ButPsycho:** shortie wnt to com c u @ wrok

 **ButPsycho:** she shud b ther soon

**Wonderer:** Indeed!

 **Wonderer:** I am just coming around the corner now!

**ShesSweet:** oh!

 **ShesSweet:** thats sweet of you Lu!

 **ShesSweet:** one of my co-stars gonna be having lunch with us, if you don’t mind?

**Wonderer:** of course!

 **Wonderer:** which co-star would this be?

**ShesSweet:** Dawn, she plays the main character

 **ShesSweet:** she’s a lot younger than me, but my character has a sort of ‘honorary big sis’ relationship with hers

 **ShesSweet:** so the producers suggested we hang out off set a bit, and her parents don’t mind, so I tend to treat her to lunch most days

**ButPsycho:** actul angle ^

**ShesSweet:** what ‘angle’ would that be, Jinx? :p

**ButPsycho:** acute one

**ShesSweet:** Aww!

 **ShesSweet:** that’s sweet!

 **ShesSweet:** *virtual hug!*

 **ShesSweet:** oh, we just got into the café, Ive got to go!

**Yrulikthis:** <\---

 **Yrulikthis:** to both of you -_-

**ButPsycho:** shut the up fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chat names: ShesSweet-Lux, ButPsycho- Jinx, Sanity- Janna, Wonderer- Lulu, Yrulikthis- Poppy


	8. Friday Friday,

** K/DA **

**Foxy:** @Rogue

 **Foxy:** what are your intentions towards my little brother?

**Rogue:**?

 **Rogue:** oh

 **Rogue:** you were watching earlier weren’t you

**Foxy:** yes

 **Foxy:** happened to be by the window at the exact moment youre thinking of rn

**Rogue:** look, I made a crack about Ram’s height so he tripped me and Ez caught me

 **Rogue:** and it was like, an injoke with us

 **Rogue:** cause I make cracks about Ram’s height a lot

 **Rogue:** and Ez’s the only one fast enough to catch me

 **Rogue:** and we were talking and just kinda

 **Rogue:** forgot to stand up again

**Foxy:** …

 **Foxy:** I was gonna tease you and go all ‘overprotective big sis’ on your ass

 **Foxy:** but tbh, that’s soft

**Bokkie:** you two were seriously so into a conversation, you didn’t notice you were lying n the ground?

 **Bokkie:** presumably on top of each other?

**Rogue:** look, 2 dumb jocks in one place do not a braincell make

 **Rogue:** anyway, isn’t spying on us all my thing?

 **Rogue:** :P

 **Rogue:** wait, shit

 **Rogue:** I don’t have anything to deflect with anymore

 **Rogue:** uhhhhh

**Foxy:** chill Kali, rules still in place

 **Foxy:** trust me, the Arcade stuff barely scratches the surface of my secrets

**Rogue:** ah k

 **Rogue:** y’know

 **Rogue:** that’s probably not a good rule to have

**Foxy:** eh

 **Foxy:** tbh, wasn’t expecting Kai’sa and Eve to agree to K/da

 **Foxy:** I was expecting a bunch of up and coming rando’s who caught my eye, with no idea about the shit Ive done

 **Foxy:** not two of my best friends and an absolute sweetheart of an assassin

 **Foxy:** (who, may or may not end up being my sister in law ;p)

**Rogue:** nah

 **Rogue:** he’s a sweetheart, and pretty cute tbh

 **Rogue:** but eh

 **Rogue:** wouldnt work out

**Foxy:** not to encourage you to date my lil’ bro

 **Foxy:** bc ew

 **Foxy:** but y not?

**Rogue:** just wouldnt

 **Rogue:** secret stuff

 **Rogue:** bleh

 **Rogue:** Anyway, Kai’sa, ready for your date tomorrow?

**Bokkie:** subtle one Akali

 **Bokkie:** but also

 **Bokkie:** holy crud I am not ready

 **Bokkie:** texts occurred

 **Bokkie:** she’s awesome

 **Bokkie:** so what else is new

**Siren:** ladies, have you all forgotten the interview we have to be at in…

 **Siren:** 20 minutes now

 **Siren** : ? (:

**Bokkie:** ….Maybe

**Rogue:** yes

**Foxy:** oh shit

 **Foxy:** thx Eve

 **Foxy:** @everyone, meet in Eves limo in 5

**Direct Messages (Fox, Starboy)**

**Fox:** hey Ez ;)

 **Fox:** saw you and Kali getting close earlier ;)

**Starboy:** so, Im guessing by the time you already interrogated her and your just trying to make me sweat?

**Fox:** ….

 **Fox:** she warned you didn’t she?

**Starboy:** lol

 **Starboy:** technically

 **Starboy:** but you are p. predictable sis

**Fox:** no Im not!

 **Fox:** usually!

 **Fox:** sometimes!

 **Fox:** anyway! Lil’ bro, what do you think of Kali, genuinely?  
  


 **Starboy:** ?

 **Starboy:** shes awesome, obvsly

 **Starboy:** kinda weird to remember her real name tho

**Fox:** oh yeah

 **Fox:** how come youre so chill with that btw?

**Starboy:** what, the fake name thing?

**Fox:** what else?

**Starboy:** eh, it was kinda an open secret her name was fake

 **Starboy:** she literally went by ‘Silver Fang’

 **Starboy:** Chaos FC is just kinda ez mode for getting away with weird stuff

 **Starboy:** one of the refs for that season was an assassin too

**Fox:** Srsly??

**Starboy:** yeah

 **Starboy:** think it might’ve been Kata actually?

 **Starboy:** they had the same target, it lead to a massive brawl on the pitch

 **Starboy:** still don’t know who caused the fire

**Fox:** …so like. Id say we should probably investigate the weirdness filter on your job, but given the deja vu Ive got rn, im guessing Ive said that before?

**Starboy:** eh, once or twice

 **Starboy:** we figured out that it isnt malicious, so you just let it drop

**Fox:** for the record, I really don’t like your job

**Starboy:** yeah, yeah, I know

 **Starboy:** I can handle myself Ahri, dont worry

**Fox:** I know

 **Fox:** just

 **Fox:** stay safe little brother

 **Fox:** tell me how Jinx’s plan goes

**Starboy:** oh, shes already done

**Fox:** Oh?

**Starboy:** lightrockets is canon

 **Starboy:** or Jux

 **Starboy:** Luminosity Cannon?

 **Starboy:** Ahri help, I can’t think of a ship name

**Fox:** lol

 **Fox:** No

 **Fox:** give me the good gossip first

**Starboy:** p.boring tbh

 **Starboy:** my prediction was just spot on

 **Starboy:** Jinx set everything up, bribed the others to go to bed early, then chickened out only for Lux to deadass go ‘Jinx, just tell me where our first date is’

**Fox:** pfft

 **Fox:** Lux: ‘Im super sweet and naïve, and Ahri is the coolest sempai!’

 **Fox:** also Lux: ‘So, we dating or what Jinx?’

**Starboy:** lol

 **Starboy:** Omg, speaking of Lux ‘Power moves’ Crownguard

 **Starboy:** check her insta

**Fox:** ?

 **Fox:** aww

 **Fox:** thats a cute pic

 **Fox:** didnt know Jinx could look that sane

**Starboy:** you haven t seen the caption have you?

**Fox:** ?

 **Fox:** oh

 **Fox:** OH

  
** SG: **

**Foxy:** LUX THE FUCK XD

**Glowstick:** ?

**Foxy:** ok, first, gratz

 **Foxy:** but second

 **Foxy:** LUX THE FUCK XD

**Glowstick:** Oh!

 **Glowstick:** that was fast

**OldLady:** understandable, I suppose Ahri gets multiple alerts for Instagram, what with the KDA account?

**Foxy:** I mean yeah, but Im just a gossip slut tm

 **Foxy:** I stalk social media

 **Foxy:** or have you forgotten how many detentions I got lol?

**BestGirlfriend:** nop

 **BestGirlfriend:** was nice to have some1 other thn eks to talk to

 **BestGirlfriend:** but yeha, whats the matter? :)

**Foxy:** ‘Garen, I have the better redhead’

**Glowstick:** its true :)

**Foxy:** Katarina’s going to kill you

 **Foxy:** XD

**Glowstick:** already got the knife

**BestGirlfriend:** is gong on te mantleplace

 **BestGirlfriend:** bc we catn pull it out of the mantleplace

 **BestGirlfriend:** heh

 **BestGirlfriend:** we have a ,mantleplace

**No:** somehow

 **No:** this isn’t the first time that thing nearly broke -_-

**OldLady:** was one such incident not of your causing, Poppy?

**No:** eh

 **No:** 1 vs god knows how many isnt a bad score

**BestGirlfriend:** ist a booring score :p

**No:** I think you mean

 **No:** one that leaves us some furniture

**BestGirlfriend:** exactly!

 **BestGirlfriend:** btw, @Foxy, whns ur nxt cocnert?

**Foxy:** so, have you like, broken your keyboard or?

 **Foxy:** anyway, its in about a week y?

**BestGirlfriend:** how much are tickets?

**Foxy:** for you, half the price on the website

 **Foxy:** or the standard website price if you want to come within a meter of backstage

**BestGirlfriend:** HAH

 **BestGirlfriend:** fair

 **BestGirlfriend:** is Evey rlly stll mad? ??

**Foxy:** well yes, but threats to your safety aside

 **Foxy:** normal people be coming backstage, and K/DA has enough of a crazy rep already :P

**BestGirlfriend:** yannow

 **BestGirlfriend:** i was gon be offned

 **BestGirlfriend:** but tbh, thas fair

**Starboy:** have yous still got the whole internet arguing if your tails are real?

**Foxy:** of course ;)

 **Foxy:** though

 **Foxy:** Im starting to think they just wanna stare at my ass

 **Foxy:** which

 **Foxy:** a worthy cause, but they could at least admit it

**Soraka:** a little off topic, but @Glowstick

 **Soraka:** first, congrats!

 **Soraka:** but also,

 **Soraka:** Leo and Diana wanted me to say ‘Zee has your hair tie’

 **Soraka:** dunno what that means?

**Glowstick:** Oh!

 **Glowstick:** Im really dumb!

 **Glowstick:** tell them she can keep it, I have spares!

**Soraka:** ok?

**MF:** ?

**Glowstick:** shes my coworker

 **Glowstick:** Zee

 **Glowstick:** I didnt realise she was one of Leo and Dia’s kids!

 **Glowstick:** probably should’ve

**Soraka:** ah, that makes sense

**PixGang:** wasnt her name Dawn?

**Glowstick:** theyre both nicknames,, Dawn is just the one I use!

**Soraka:** Zee is mostly what her mothers call her, from what ive heard

**Glowstick:** now you’ve mentioned it, I don’t actually remember her name

 **Glowstick:** lol

 **Glowstick:** anyway, it’s getting late, so Im heading to bed!

**Direct Messages (MyLight, MyLife)**

**MyLife:** Sooo Luxy Lux love of my life

**MyLight:** yes I know that was very abrupt, Sparky

 **MyLight:** I didnt want them asking what her name is

**MyLife:** Okidoke

**MyLight:** its

 **MyLight:** she’s Zoe

**MyLife:** …yuuuup, tha t makes snse

**MyLight:** yeah, like

 **MyLight:** its kinda uncanny

 **MyLight:** she looks kinda similar too

 **MyLight:** but she acts completely different?

 **MyLight:** I try not to think about it

**MyLife:** yknow an ez way t stop thnkng abt thngs?

**MyLight:** ?

**MyLife:** te bwl of poporn I mde whle u wre typig, nd a good flm to fall aslep to :)t

 **MyLife:** do u wnt th crappy pirate movie w/ the beyblades orrrr my zmbie movie?

**MyLight:** thanks Jinxy

 **MyLight:** ad your movie of course!

 **MyLight:** you know its one of my favourites :)

 **MyLight:** (and that outfit sure is flattering ;))

 **MyLight:** um

 **MyLight:** why do I hear screaming

**MyLife:** noreason onmw!!


	9. Stargazers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Help, my K/DA brotp's are all turning into OTPs, I can write a different K/DA pairing for every league thing Im thinking of, and still not get all of them done and there only 4 characters XD

Interviewer: welcome everyone, to this episode of Stargazers, live from the studio! Today we’re here with K/DA, the international KPop sensation! And can I just say girls, how much of an honour it is to have you here?

Ahri: you’re more than welcome to! It’s an honour to be here, too!

Interviewer: ah, that’s good to hear- now, first question from our fans watching at home: ‘Ahri are the tails real?’

*laugh track plays*

Interviewer: now, I’m sure you were expecting this on-

Ahri: and I’m sure you already know the answer!

Evelyn: at the end of the day, what is reality but that which is observable? And by that logic, is not by extension all that which we can observe reality? Therefore-

Akali: oh god. She’s doing the speech.

Ahri: it’s the long version. She’s doing the long version. Somebody, stop her!

*They share a smirk beneath Evelynn’s glare*

Evelynn: Hilarious. I keep telling you- if we make our response stupid enough, eventually they’ll get a better opening question…

Interviewer: *laughing lightly* well, you girls always seem so close in these interviews- I suppose that’s what makes you such a joy to interview!

Kai’sa: if you think we’re friends, you haven’t seen us arguing about dishwashing

*canned laughter*

Interviewer: well, every friendship has its cracks I suppose- ah, our next question: ‘Any relationships in K/DA ‘Winky face’, ‘Winky face’’

*Ahri laughs, while Kai’sa buries her head in her hands*

Akali: huh, yo Eve you were right- we shoulda made bets about this!

Evelynn: of course, these interviews get so predictable after a while.

Kai’sa: oh god… you actually asked…

Interviewer: ah, am I missing a joke girls?

Kai’sa: not anymore than usual- yes, I’m in a relationship, it’s very new, I’m not answering any more questions on her at this time, ok?

Interviewer: ah… ok, ok, next question: for Eve-

Evelynn: if this is about the missing male celebs, Akali owes me twenty.

Interviewer: Um, yes. Specifically: ‘what happened to Jericho Swain’

Evelynn: I ate him. Lured him into an alley, ate him and wore his skin like a suit.

Interviewer: Will you ever answer that question seriously?

Evelynn: *glares over the rim of her shades* stop asking. It’s not worth your time.

Ahri: and I’d like to briefly point out, Piltover’s police department has officially declared Eve had nothing to do with any of these disappearances. K/DA as a whole do not appreciate this line of questioning.

*it’s small and mostly unseen, but one of Evelynn’s Lashers coil around Ahri’s ankle*

Interviewer: ah, of course- on this show we’re at the mercy of the audience I’m afraid! A-anyway, oh, this next question is much better- ‘Akali, who is your friend in the viral rap battle? I’ve been searching for him for ages, he’s pretty fire too -Ken’

Akali: oh, yeah, Ekko- he’s rad. He’s turning down most record deals right now though- he’s trying to stay true to his roots y’know?

Ahri: Akali actually tried to pass her invite to him- but, well, K/DA is a *girl* group, and I was dead-set on recruiting her…

Akali: I still don’t get why! *laughs* she was scary about it too!

Ahri: I’m good at seeing the best in people- even if you can’t see it yourself!

Akali: yeah, yeah, I get it, I’m awesome and you won’t let anyone say otherwise.

Evelynn: damn straight

Ahri: not even you!

Interviewer: ah, our next question- oh, I’m getting another non-answer here aren’t I? ‘Akali, how come you look so much like retired Chaos FC All-Star Silver Fang?

Akali: *choking on water* Um. Because I am her? Chaos FC is weird man, don’t think about it too much.

Interviewer: I try my very best not to! Ah, I’m sure the viewers at home remember my… interesting interview with the ball… which isn’t a sentence I thought I’d say when I started this career!

*Audience Laughter*

Akali: lemme guess: ok?

Interviewer: ah, I see you’re acquainted.

Ahri: …so, I really don’t like Ez’s job. Just. Weekly reminder.

Interviewer: That leads nicely into this next question: ‘what, exactly is your relationship to the striker Ezreal? Or broadway star Syndra? Or-’

Ahri: so, I get the feeling the rest of that question is just listing the rest of my unofficially-adopted siblings? A relationship I’ve clarified, multiple times?

Interviewer: it also mentions Luxanna Crownguard, but yes.

Ahri: jeez, they really want me to date my brother don’t they? And Luxy is more like that cool cousin you used to be super close with but now you only see at Christmas.

Interviewer: sorry- again, at the mercy of your fans- and now, the clock! That’s the end of this segment of Stargazer’s, come back after the break where we will be interviewing the up-and-coming star of Shadow Labels, Senna!

*canned applause as the camera pans away*

**Direct Messages (Angel, PizzaGirl)**

**PizzaGirl:** hey, saw your interview :)

**PizzaGirl:** looked awesome, Angel

**Angel:** ah, of course,

**Angel:** to be honest, that was very last second

**Angel:** Akali had a mutual friend round, and we all lost track of time

**PizzaGirl:** Ezreal right?

**PizzaGirl:** how did you meet that little anyway?

**Angel:** uh, did you miss a word?

**PizzaGirl:** kinda

**PizzaGirl:** I was gonna call him something nasty

**PizzaGirl:** but I kinda realised as I was pressing send I probably shouldnt insult your friend to your face just before a first date

**Angel:** Ive probably called him worse :p

**Angel:** what did he do to you?

**PizzaGirl:** looted my ancestors tomb before I could

**Angel:** before you could?

  
**PizzaGirl:** yeah, i used to go tomb raiding a bunch

**PizzaGirl:** had the weird luck of them mostly being mine

**PizzaGirl:** thats how I got this spinny sword thing

**Angel:** such eloquence

**PizzaGirl:** Im no princess, angel

**Angel:** Im well aware

**Angel:** royalty would never be so efficient at stealing my heart

**PizzaGirl:** to steal an angel’s heart is my crowning achievement

**PizzaGirl:** oh, right, we got of the question

**PizzaGirl:** how’d you know the tombstealer?

**Angel:** Ahri’s sister, Sarah

**Angel:** or MF if you meet her

**Angel:** we’re friends, and she’s why I know Ahri to an extent

**PizzaGirl:** ah, makes sense

**PizzaGirl:** I know Mf

**PizzaGirl:** she stops by sometimes when shes working late

**Angel:** do you remember every customers name or?

**PizzaGirl:** depends, I remember her cause Tali knew her and just initials stood out, but I try to remember as many as I can

**PizzaGirl:** keeps my reviews high y’know?

**PizzaGirl:** speaking of, I gotta get to work

**PizzaGirl:** speak to you later?

**Angel:** of course

**Angel:** text me when your done and home safe!


	10. Violence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is a reference to a specific character. I wrote most of this in one sitting, because of how much I love that character. Can you guess who my favourite character is?  
> (The hints are misleading, it's Morgana, then Lux, THEN Vi, but Vi was my first main, so she's permanently in the top 3)

** K/DA **

**Bokkie:** help

 **Bokkie:** I dont knoe what to wear

**Foxy:** do you want to risk being recognised or not?

  
 **Bokkie:** Id rather not

**Siren:** what makeup are you going?

**Bokkie:** No idea

**Foxy:** hmm

 **Foxy:** whattime is the concert again?

**Bokkie:** 2 hours away?

**Foxy:** so it’ll be quite dark, what are you doing with the cannons?

**Bokkie:** hoping no one notice’s them

**Siren:** ok, im coming to your room

**Foxy:** ill grab your makeup kitEvie

 **Foxy:** Im already near your room :)

**Siren:** k, grab that crop top too will you?

 **Siren:** ive been meaning to see what bokkie looks like in it

**Foxy:** k

**Rogue:** so, Eve and Ahri share a braincell

 **Rogue:** good to know

**Foxy:** Id be offended, but im busy grabbing the other bits neither of us mentioned but I know Evie wants me to get

 **Foxy:** so

**Rogue:** hey, didn’t say it was your only braincell.

 **Rogue:** just vaguely implied it was

 **Rogue:** want any help?

**Siren:** we got this

**Foxy:** just keep an eye on the clock for us

**Rogue:** k

 **Rogue:** @Bokkie do you want a ride or is Pizza Girl tm picking u up?

**Bokkie:** Sivir is picking me up, yes

**Siren:** ah

 **Siren:** she has a bike right?

**Bokkie:** yes

**Siren:** ahri?

**Foxy:** already bringing hairspray

 **Foxy:** figured even if Sivir wasnt being a gentlelady, Kali would be the better taxi

 **Foxy:** given how flash your cars are

**Siren:** smart one babes

**Foxy:** thx ;)

**7:45**

**Rogue:** quarter too

 **Rogue:** also, I think Siver is here

 **Rogue:** Sivir*

**Bokkie:** ok, could you answer the door?

 **Bokkie:** Eve’s just finishing up my makeup

**Rogue:** k

 **Rogue:** wait

 **Rogue:** fuck

 **Rogue:** @Foxy, could you do ti pls?

**Foxy:** ?

**Rogue:** she knows me

 **Rogue:** form

 **Rogue:** night job

 **Rogue:** doesnt like me much

**Foxy:** ok?

**Rogue:** she saw something she shouldt have,

 **Rogue:** but I dont touch innocents

 **Rogue:** so, yeah

**Bokkie:** well, retroactive thanks for not murdering my girlfriend before we could meet, Akali

**Rogue:** your welcome (:

**Foxy:** got the door

 **Foxy:** taking her to main living room

**Bokkie:** omw down

**Siren:** ^

**Rogue:** avoiding main living room

** Arcade Warriors:  **

**DarkSouls:** @Poor, has Kai’sa (+Sivir) gotten there safe yet?

**Poor:** yeah, I can see ‘em

 **Poor:** Is that hat your’s or Eve’s?

**DarkSouls:** um.

 **DarkSouls:** personal property is an overrated concept?

**Poor:** is that Ahri for ‘I stole it from Akali’ or Ahri for ‘Me and Eve share so much I cant remember’?

**DarkSouls:** eheh

 **DarkSouls:** yes

**MF:** or Ahri for ‘join my communism club Sarah, it’s just a meme Sarah, itLL BE FINE SARAH.’

**Ez:** o god

 **Ez:** thanks Sar

 **Ez:** Id managed to forget the adventures of Ahri the accidental communist.

**Yasuo:** I…

 **Yasuo:** I admit, I am morbidly curious?

**Ez:** don’t be

**MF:** no

**DarkSouls:** c’mon guys it was one time!

**NotSingle:** should I be hearing this?

**DarkSouls:** I didn’t do anything illegal!

 **DarkSouls:** …I dont think I did anything illegal?

**MF:** nothing anyone can prove

**Poor:** …anyway, ignoring that

 **Poor:** the hat suits her

 **Poor:** and Im guessing you @ed me to not disturb Yas?

**DarkSouls:** yee

 **DarkSouls:** didnt know if he’d be checkin his phone before a show

 **DarkSouls:** wanted to make sure Kaisy got there safe

 **DarkSouls:** say, do you know if she got a normal ticket or backstage?

 **DarkSouls:** she was deliberating, but Icant remember if she went for it

**Yasuo:** she went for a normal ticket

 **Yasuo:** as I reminded her, she is welcome to come backstage regardless

**AlsoNotSingle:** guys, I am still in this chat

**DarkSouls:** sorry, thought you’d mute

**AlsoNotSingle:** I did, Im just checking while Sivir fights her way to the bar

 **AlsoNotSingle:** she’s back, see ya

 **AlsoNotSingle:** wait, what was that about communism!?

 **AlsoNotSingle:** never mind, don’t want to know.

**Poor:** Ah, yes, Ahri the elegant face of K/DA, also just as much as a disaster as the rest of us

**MF:** and the freakin workaholics have the healthiest sleep schedules

**Ez:** Sleep is for losers

 **Ez:** sleeping hours are speedrun hours

**NotSingle:** have you figured out how to do that glitch in my game by the way?

**Ez:** trying it again right now

 **Ez:** honestly, probably not gonna do a full run though

 **Ez:** the rails make speed-runs kinda lame y’know?

**NotSingle:** yeah, Vi says the same

**Ez:** oh, she does speed runs?

**NotSingle:** nah, but she watches them sometimes

 **NotSingle:** plus, a DLC came out recently with new costumes, so she was trying to find an easy one to mimic to unlock them faster

**Empress:** kinky

**NotSingle:** Yes? What else would it be?

**Empress:** Blah! you’re utterly shameless, Snipes

**NotSingle:** Yes? What else would I be?

 **NotSingle:** aebfnp;ae

 **NotSingle:** hi Cupcaits frnds!

 **NotSingle:** nic to met yall!

 **NotSingle:** sshes ganing on me!

**MF:** hey there Vi :)

**NotSingle:** hey, Fortune!

 **NotSingle:** How ya’ doin Red?

**MF:** Oh, Y’know,

 **MF:** running circles around these bozos

 **MF:** hows the new partner Sheriff saddled you with

**NotSingle:** pretty sweet, got some weird plant stuff going on

 **NotSingle:** wet behind the ears, but shes tryin at least

 **NotSingle:** dunno what Cait was thinkin givin me of all people a rookie to train XD

**MF:** I don’t know, responsibilities a good look on you ;)

**NotSingle:** hah!

 **NotSingle:** I’ll remind you of that when she tries the same thing with you

**MF:** hahaha

 **MF:** thats not happening

**Ez:** personally, I think youre a great mentor!

**MF:** suckup

**Ez:** shamelessly!

 **Ez:** but seriously, youre the oly one of us Jinx respects

 **Ez:** and the only one of us Luxys crew trusted _and_ respected

**DarkSouls:** hey!

 **DarkSouls:** I resemble that remark!

 **DarkSouls:** …fuck, Sarah has less trust issues than me

 **DarkSouls:** thats like… a really low bar

**MF:** hey!

 **MF:** …I resemble that remark!

**NotSingle:** Jinx!?!?!?

 **NotSingle:** you guys know Jinx?!?!?!

 **NotSingle:** v \ W4#0ERVAlaiZdsa

 **NotSingle:** back

 **NotSingle:** …can I add Vi a sec?

**MF:** sure

**NotSingle has added VI to Arcade Warriors**

**VI:** how do you know Jinx?

**Ez:** uh

 **Ez:** kinda a long story?

**VI:** wait, okay

 **VI:** Jinx

 **VI:** blue hair, braids, sweetheart, slight kleptomania, made outta twigs?

**DarkSouls:** she dyes it, so we cant say for the first

 **DarkSouls:** not that Ive ever seen her for the second

 **DarkSouls:** Sweet is the last thing Id describe her as

 **DarkSouls:** kelptomania would make sense, but not that Im aware

 **DarkSouls:** twigs, yes, absolutely.

**VI:** fuck

 **VI:** sorry for freakin on you

 **VI:** just

 **VI:** been looking for a Jinx for a long time

 **VI:** shes probably dead by now.

**Ez:** crud

 **Ez:** sorry

**VI:** Nah,

 **VI:** Its cool

**Ez:** The jinx we’re talking about is an actress buddy of ours

**VI:** oh right, Cupcaits friends are all hella famous

**NotSingle:** easy to forget

 **NotSingle:** @MF do your paperwork and it wont happen >:)

**MF:** well played Boss.

 **MF:** well played.

**Mut/se:** God, Im busy for 5 minutes and this blows up

 **Mut/se:** oh, Kai’sa’s date

 **Mut/se:** that makes sense

 **Mut/se:** hi Vi, nice to meet you

 **Mut/se:** why, exactly did you steal Cait’s phone?

**NotSingle:** N(O

**VI:** saw her blushing, wanted to see what it was

 **VI:** shoulda guessed it was me ;)

**Empress:** HAH

 **Empress:** the great Qiyana was correct!

 **Empress:** I knew you were not so unflappable, oh Cop of Snipers!

**NotSingle:** shut up before I shove your hula hoop up your ass

**Empress:** hula hoop!!?!

 **Empress:** HULA HOOP!?!??!

 **Empress:** IT IS AN ANCIENT WEAPON OF THE IXTALI KINGDOM!!

 **Empress:** ILL SHOW YOU HULA HOOP!

**NotSingle:** come at me

**VI:** huh

 **VI:** Im adding that to my list

**DarkSouls:** list?

**VI:** UH

 **VI:** THOUGTH THAT WAS DMS DON WORRY BOU TIT

**NotSingle:** oh god

 **NotSingle:** why

 **NotSingle:** why are you so cute

 **NotSingle:** not fair

**VI:** I aint cute Im badass!

**NotSingle:** sure thing luv

 **NotSingle:** btw, your still capital

**VI:** oh

**VI has changed their username to IfLostReturnToCait**

**IfLostReturnToCait:** thx babe

**MF:** god you two are whipped for each other

**IfLostReturnToCait:** do u rlly want to go ther Fortune?

**MF:** nnnnnoope!

 **MF:** shut the up fuck!

**DarkSouls:** oh? (:

 **DarkSouls:** whatever are you talking about? (:

**MF:** Ahri I swear to god!!!

**Ez:** whatever could have my dear elder sister so flustered?

**MF:** I will shoot both of you!!!

 **MF:** I have 2 guns!!!

**IfLostReturnToCait:** pfft, thank god Im an only child

 **IfLostReturnToCait:** probably

**Yasuo:** concerts done, Kaisa should be on her way back

 **Yasuo:** or they might be going for food

 **Yasuo:** they didn’t seem eager to stop their evening here

**DarkSouls:** whoo! You go Kai’sa!

**AlsoNotSingle:** Not like that!

 **AlsoNotSingle:** Nothing like that!

 **AlsoNotSingle:** we’re just heading to a restaurant Sivir mentioned nearby!

 **AlsoNotSingle:** although, yes, Ahri could you pass the message to the others I’ll be late back? I don’t want any of you to worry

**DarkSouls:** course Kaisy

 **DarkSouls:** have _fun_ ;) ;) ;) ;)

**AlsoNotSingle:** shut.


	11. Kai'Sivir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAAHHHH. So. Lack of real life experience sure made the latter half of this hard! And also, low key paranoid Kai'sa got called Angle at least once.
> 
> HardRock= Taliyah, KnifEdge= Sivir

**Direct Messages (HardRock, KnifEdge)**

**HardRock:** Soooooo

 **HardRock:** how did your date with cute popstar regular go?

 **HardRock:** do I actually get to learn her name yet?

**KnifEdge:** great

 **KnifEdge:** and no

**HardRock:** Cmoooooooon Sivir!

**KnifEdge:** no

**HardRock:** bleh

 **HardRock:** this is punishment for directing you to the SG house isn’t it?

 **HardRock:** how did you get Jinx to keep quiet anyway?

**KnifEdge:** from the look of her Instagram, I got her a girlfriend

**HardRock:** WAIT

 **HardRock:** YOU’RE THE ONE WHO PULLED HER HEAD OUT HER ASS?????

**KnifEdge:** is that really surprising?

 **KnifEdge:** it’s me

 **KnifEdge:** I always pay my debts

**HardRock:** and you have about as much tact as a bull in a china shop

**KnifEdge:** exactly

**HardRock:** still, with how long it took you to ask out Cute Regular tm…

**KnifEdge:** look, Angel is a dork

 **KnifEdge:** I was waiting for her to ask

 **KnifEdge:** I didnt want to freak her

**HardRock:** smells like excuses to me

**KnifEdge:** wwhatever

**HardRock:** lol

 **HardRock:** btw, I meant to ask, why do you have Jinx’s number?

**KnifEdge:** shes friends with the big bird guy

 **KnifEdge:** he had a big meeting outta town, so he gave her my number for if anything went wrong while he was away

**HardRock:** so,

 **HardRock:** the advice for if something goes wrong

 **HardRock:** while the boss is away

 **HardRock:** is to call his main rival.

 **HardRock:** whose set to inherit the rival company

**KnifEdge:** shuddup about the inheritance shit

 **KnifEdge:** and, yes

 **KnifEdge:** Id do the same

**HardRock:** you two are weird

 **HardRock:** Oh!

 **HardRock:** speaking of weird!

 **HardRock:** y’know the concert you went to last night?

**KnifEdge:** yeah?

**HardRock:** I got around to looking him up

 **HardRock:** its my old master!

**KnifEdge:** wait

 **KnifEdge:** Dj Yasuo is the same samurai guy who taught you whatever vague thing you change the topic of anytime I ask?

**HardRock:** Yes! 

**HardRock:** Im glad hes doing well!

 **HardRock:** he mentioned he’d rather be a musician, Im glad to see he reached his goal!

**KnifEdge:** dayum

 **KnifEdge:** do you just collect edgy loners with friends in high places?

**HardRock:** apparently!

 **HardRock:** guess barely free illegal medical care is a beacon for them?

**KnifEdge:** I mean

 **KnifEdge:** In my experience getting stabbed makes or breaks friendships.

**HardRock:** so many concerning things in that sentence!

**KnifEdge:** hey, your the one who sees a bleeding stab victim and decides to bandage them up

**HardRock:** …true

 **HardRock:** we don’t talk about how many of my friends started out as stab victims I saved

 **HardRock:** its two, but its still odd it happened twice

**KnifEdge:** one hour, Angels texting me

**HardRock:** hour?

**KnifEdge:** did I stutter?

**HardRock:** w h I p p e d

 **HardRock:** i*

**KnifEdge:** ok miss ‘Ekko glances at me and Sivir is on mute now’

**HardRock:** One! Time!

 **HardRock:** I said Im sorry!

**KnifEdge:** and Im petty

**HardRock:** fair enough, have a nice talk to your girlfriend

**Direct Messages (Angel, PizzaGirl)**

**Angel:** hey

**PizzaGirl:** hey love

**Angel:** I have something to talk abou

 **Angel:** t

**PizzaGirl:** sounds ominous

**Angel:** not anything bad!

 **Angel:** well

 **Angel:** not with you

 **Angel:** just kinda heavy topic

**PizzaGirl:** whats up angel?

**Angel:** Im a video game character

**PizzaGirl:** neat, theyre already making a KDA game?

**Angel:** no

 **Angel:** I mean

 **Angel:** have you ever played PixelVoid?

**PizzaGirl:** um

 **PizzaGirl:** I think Talis bf has it?

 **PizzaGirl:** Ive heard the name

**Angel:** ok

 **Angel:** google the hero

**PizzaGirl:** ok?

 **PizzaGirl:** wait, which one?

**Angel:** The Girl Who Came Back

**PizzaGirl:** yeah?

 **PizzaGirl:** kinda looks like you

 **PizzaGirl:** waiat

**Angel:** yeah

 **Angel:** that’s me

 **Angel:** I am her

 **Angel:** kinda

 **Angel:** its complicated

 **Angel:** and a really long story that doesn’t really make sense and I think magic was involved

 **Angel:** i don’t know

 **Angel:** I was holding the line in the final boss

 **Angel:** I never thought to ask the ones who were there

 **Angel:** and I don’t think he knwew how he did it?

  
**PizzaGirl:** neat

 **PizzaGirl:** you were cute as a kid too

 **PizzaGirl:** dont people normally try to hide their baby pictures?

**Angel:** Um

 **Angel:** I honestly didnt know you could find them?

 **Angel:** Ive never played my game

 **Angel:** I guess those are from flashbacks?

 **Angel:** what is it with people being remarkably calm about this?

**PizzaGirl:** well, I cant speak for anyone else youve told

 **PizzaGirl:** But when you can Doofenschmirtz meme being killed by demons, it takes more than a little to shake you

**Angel:** what?

**PizzaGirl:** yeah, yknow the ‘if I had a nickel for every time, id have two. Not much but still weird’?

**Angel:** I know the meme

 **Angel:** did not know demons exist

 **Angel:** are you sure they were demons? Not just really demonic looking monsters?

**PizzaGirl:** one definitely wasn’t, but I refuse to call that backstabbing piece of shit snake an Ascended

 **PizzaGirl:** she hasn’t earned it.

 **PizzaGirl:** and the second one I genuinely have no idea

 **PizzaGirl:** I didn’t piss that one of or anything, she just showed up all fiery, tried to stab me, then fucked of when I stabbed her

**Angel:** ok, so, no definitive demons?

**PizzaGirl:** No?

**Angel:** thank god

**PizzaGirl:** odd thing to focus on?

**Angel:** Demons are terrifying!

 **Angel:** they eat! Emotions!

 **Angel:** emotions are like!

 **Angel:** Important!

**PizzaGirl:** Your adorable

**Angel:** tahnke

 **Angel:** htanks

 **Angel:** thank

 **Angel:** wait

 **Angel:** I just realised the second half of that, you’ve nearly _died_ before??

**PizzaGirl:** ah, kinda

 **PizzaGirl:** dont worry, that was my old job

 **PizzaGirl:** significantly less likely to be stabbed as a pizza girl than what I used to do

**Angel:** what did you used to do?

 **Angel:** was it just the tomb raiding youve mentioned?

**PizzaGirl:** that and a few odd jobs

 **PizzaGirl:** if they had coin, they had my loyalty.

**Angel:** morally ambiguous, but hot

**PizzaGirl:** lol

 **PizzaGirl:** can I get that on my tomb

**Angel:** sure, if I can get ‘Looks like she can kill you, is actually a cinnamon roll’

**PizzaGirl:** yes

 **PizzaGirl:** just yes

 **PizzaGirl:** btw, while we’re talking

 **PizzaGirl:** when are you next free angel?

**Angel:** I don’t actually know right now

 **Angel:** a concert got delayed, and we haven’t heard the new date yet

**PizzaGirl:** k,

 **PizzaGirl:** tell me when you know?

**Angel:** of course

 **Angel:** say, do you want to come to the concert?

 **Angel:** we’ll have to be careful of cameras unless you want the world to meet you, but it could be fun?

 **Angel:** you wouldnt have to pay of course!

**PizzaGirl:** of course kai

 **PizzaGirl:** though, you should let me do the spoiling for you sometime ;)

**Angel:** you payed for dinner, Ill extend my free passes to both of us

**PizzaGirl:** fair enough

 **PizzaGirl:** if we ever go spelunking, its my discounts we’re using :p

 **PizzaGirl:** but yeah, watching you dancing for a few hours sounds like a good use of an evening

**Angel:** Plus, you can eet my friends!

 **Angel:** I know you talked to Ahri briefly a few times but itll be nice to meet the others? Maybe?

**PizzaGirl:** sounds nice angel

 **PizzaGirl:** hey, maybe when you know times more you could come over to mine for dinner?

 **PizzaGirl:** Im not the best, but I know a bit about cooking

 **PizzaGirl:** and theres a high chance of Tali dropping by whether shes invited or not

**Angel:** Tali as in Taliyah right?

**PizzaGirl:** yeah

**Angel:** itll be nice to meet her!

 **Angel:** apparently we have mutual friends?

 **Angel:** in a friend-of-a-friend way

**PizzaGirl:** oh right, you kinda-sorta know Lux’s crew

**Angel:** Ive only really met Luxanna herself

**PizzaGirl:** so do all celebrities just know each other or…?

**Angel:** hah, no

 **Angel:** but between Ahris army of siblings, Evelynn being a gossip and the weird array of people me and Akali know, we could probabl take a shot at contacting pretty much anyone if we really tried

**PizzaGirl:** I can bet one person you couldn’t contact

**Angel:** oh?

**PizzaGirl:** yup

 **PizzaGirl:** heiress to my workplace :P

 **PizzaGirl:** no one knows who that is

**Angel:** I don’t know, if lives depended on it Akali could probably hunt her down

 **Angel:** it wouldn’t be legal, but she could

**PizzaGirl:** ok, weird ninja girl is cheating

 **PizzaGirl:** weird ninja girl could find anyone

 **PizzaGirl:** she has weird ninja powers

**Angel:** true, true

 **Angel:** SPeakog of Akli, she just nocked somerthin over

 **Angel:** gotta go sort that out

**PizzaGirl:** k, see ya Angel

**Angel:** see you, pizza girl

** K/DA **

**Bokkie:** so

 **Bokkie:** @Rogue remember how you mentioned Sivir doesn’t like you?

**Rogue:** yes?  
  


**Bokkie:** I may have fucked up.


	12. Djinn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not entirely content with this one, but whatever. We'll be back to your irregularly unschedueled dumbass magical girls+popstars next chap, now Akali is done moping dramatically on rooftops.

**Direct Messages (Sivir, Unknown Number)**

**UN:** hey there Sivir

 **UN:** this is Akali, one of Kai’sas band mates?

**Sivir:** oh hey

**You have registered this number.**

**Sivir:** everything ok?

**Akali:** Course

 **Akali:** I just wanted to chat

 **Akali:** im sure Ahri already interrogated you

 **Akali:** :P

 **Akali:** but I havent had the chance to meet ya

**Sivir:** right, has angel mentioned that yet?

**Akali:** oh my god you actually call her angel

 **Akali:** that is so cute

 **Akali:** like, she mentioned it

 **Akali:** but thats so cute!

**Sivir:** shuddup

 **Sivir:** _shes_ cute

**Akali:** Yeah, she’s kinda the best

 **Akali:** pretty much the source of my faith in humanity this century

**Sivir:** edgy

 **Sivir:** and kinda weird

 **Sivir:** didnt you guys meet a month or so ago?

**Akali:** oh, yeah

 **Akali:** shes explained her past right?

**Sivir:** the game stuff?

 **Sivir:** yeah

**Akali:** I meant the game

**Sivir:** oh your just a weeb then

**Akali:** jesus fuck we’d get along well

**Sivir:** oh? Do I pass then?

**Akali:** you passed as soon as you walked Bokkie home

 **Akali:** getting along with the rest of us overprotective dumbasses is just extra credit

**Sivir:** thanks?

 **Sivir:** btw, did you mean to say ‘this century’?

**Akali:** yes

 **Akali:** letting that slip provided an easy way to segway into my actual reason for contacting you without having to bring it up myself

 **Akali:** but, also, its complicated so give me a minute

**Sivir:** ok?

 **Sivir:** does K/da normally trust people they’ve never really met, or am I just special?

**Akali:** HAH!

 **Akali:** we’re all paranoid as fuck, your just special

 **Akali:** and by special, we mean dating the exception to the rule

 **Akali:** cause Kai’sa is _definitely_ the nicest one here

 **Akali:** plus, like, a lot of her problems have been the inverse of mine

 **Akali:** especially the communication ones

 **Akali:** fuck it bandaid time

 **Akali:** im an alien demon, and I killed your godfather in front of your eyes and _you_ haven’t watched our music vid even thou you told Kai’sa you have

**Sivir:** what

**Akali:** you don’t want to know the rest, descendant of the Jade Emperor.

 **Akali:** is that kid still in charge at the pizza place, or is he on another empire-rebuilding kick?

 **Akali:** I’ll never know what the elder ones saw in your bloodline

 **Akali:** and just a small bit of unsolicited advice, if youre considering ascension, immortality isnt what its cracked up to be.

**Sivir:** your trying to give me too much to process so I cant ask about you being the motherfucking bitch who killed Nasus, arent you.

**Akali:** yes

 **Akali:** please

 **Akali:** take me on my word, little that it may be

 **Akali:** you do not want to know the man he was before he adopted your ancestor.

 **Akali:** remember the man who screamed for you to run

 **Akali:** not the beast I was forced to kill

**Sivir:** elaborate on forced.

**Akali:** I serve the Ashen Lord still.

 **Akali:** he was a loose end.

 **Akali:** simple s that

**Sivir:** right thats why you arent bragging about his greatness from the rooftops

 **Sivir:** and stop with the ‘you dont wanna know’ bull

 **Sivir:** we met over his brother tryin to kill me

 **Sivir:** he told me more than you think, Infernal Djinn.

**Akali:** …huh

 **Akali:** you were raised by Nasus alright

 **Akali:** out of curiosity?

**Sivir:** his stories only mentioned 2 assasins

 **Sivir:** the Icemelter and the Djinn

 **Sivir:** and the Icemelter died

**Akali:** dayum, no respect for Ken?

 **Akali:** I see how it is

 **Akali:** and Dia isn’t dead she just turned into a god

 **Akali:** …he isnt dead either.

 **Akali:** I dont think we _can_ die

 **Akali:** I just returned him to the Ashen Lord

 **Akali:** and your right, I cant disobey the bastard

 **Akali:** doesnt mean shit in the end

 **Akali:** I still offered my soul to him

**Sivir:** right, cause cults offer so much free will

**Akali:** why are you defending me???

 **Akali:** Im meant to be apologising and begging you not to tell the girls???

 **Akali:** wait

 **Akali:** I didn’t mention the cult

**Sivir:** I remember you Akali.

 **Sivir:** from more than that night

 **Sivir:** I may not look the same, but im sure you remember what my blade could do

 **Sivir:** and what we summoned through it

**Akali:** …what

 **Akali:** how?

 **Akali:** you died centuries ago

 **Akali:** on another fucking planet

**Sivir:** reincarnations a bitch

 **Sivir:** as soon as _it_ finds me again, I start to remember

 **Sivir:** its dormant now though

 **Sivir:** theres nothing on the other side.

**Akali:** what??!

 **Akali:** lead with that

 **Akali:** the demons are all in this world already?????/

**Sivir:** yeah, or theyre dead

**Akali:** …oh god

 **Akali:** Siv, you really should watch the music video

 **Akali:** and… just, tell me Im going crazy?

**Sivir:** depends if you are

 **Sivir:** …Akali, why is Agony’s Embrace standing behind you????

**Akali:** FUCK

 **Akali:** well, good to know she never actually payed attention to who was in her cult…

 **Akali:** either that or shes assumed were all dead

**Sivir:** huh.

 **Sivir:** I have weird luck

**Akali:** god, imagine if Kai’sa didn’t have the biggest crush on you

 **Akali:** just, your casually delivering Pizza and your immortal best friend who killed your dad (sorry bout that) and/or the demon you summoned in a past life casually answered the door

**Sivir:** tbh, wouldn’t be the most awkward person ive run into on my route

**Akali:** srsly?

**Sivir:** that honour goes to the bitch who stabbed me (literally) in the back, and then a week later her sister ordered pizza to her ‘gratz on not dieing, please explain why you’re medusa now’ party

**Akali:** lol

 **Akali:** good to know you havent changed

**Sivir:** o the Medusa-ification wasnt me

 **Sivir:** it was a karmic ‘reveal your true self’ thing

**Akali:** ah right

 **Akali:** why are you avoiding Azir btw?

 **Akali:** he wont shut up about how cool his descendant is

**Sivir:** just

 **Sivir:** you know what my ‘destiny’ was

 **Sivir:** hate that word

 **Sivir:** and now some bird dude is telling me its my ‘destiny’ to be his successor?

 **Sivir:** fuck that

 **Sivir:** though, yeah, he’s content being ‘emperor’ of Shurima Pizza

  
 **Akali:** aw, I like his megalomaniac phases

 **Akali:** but, yeah, I wasn’t kidding immortality sucks

 **Akali:** fuck Diana

 **Akali:** got all our souls sold to Ol’ Ashy, helped kill the one that was a decent-ish boss kinda then fucked of to be a god

**Sivir:** suddenly very glad I died when I did

**Akali:** yeah shit got crazy

 **Akali:** o rite probs should tell your gf we’re not gon kill each other

 **Akali:** and get off roof

**Sivir:** never killed that habit huh?

**Akali:** shUT UP

 **Akali:** I like being high

 **Akali:** …up

 **Akali:** I like being high up

**Sivir:** ok Kal

 **Sivir:** you definitely meant high up

**Akali:** shut

**Sivir:** up?

**Akali:** yes

  
** K/DA **

**Rogue:** problem solved :)

**Bokkie:** the smiley scares me

**Rogue:** what?

 **Rogue:** no

 **Rogue:** just happy

 **Rogue:** it was a really neat solution and now we’re besties

**Foxy:** how do you go from murderer and witness to bffs?

 **Foxy:** actually

 **Foxy:** dont wanna know

**Siren:** its quite simple in my experience

 **Siren:** although, that’s probably not what kali did

**Rogue:** whatever your suggesting, ew no

 **Rogue:** just no

 **Rogue:** by the by @Siren

 **Rogue:** Chatting with Siv reminded me of the first time we met

 **Rogue:** I think we’d both forgotten

**Siren:** oh?

**Rogue:** yeh

 **Rogue:** we met in a club once

 **Rogue:** called the Blood Moon?

**Siren:** oh?

 **Siren:** that is _most_ interesting

 **Siren:** care to talk in person?

**Rogue:** probably smart

 **Rogue:** can you get on the roof?

**Bokkie:** why are you on the roof?!?

**Foxy:** which part of the roof r u on? some bits aren’t safe

**Siren:** on my way darling

**Rogue:** its a safe part

 **Rogue:** @Foxy, what do you take me fro? an ametur?

**Foxy:** I mean, I hope you aren’t regularly on this _specific_ roof for work purposes?

**Rogue:** ok, fair

**Bokkie:** …why am I the most ‘normal’ one here?

 **Bokkie:** serious question

 **Bokkie:** I was a strange child BEFORE the void

 **Bokkie:** why am I the only one who doesn’t know about roof structure safety????

**Foxy:** Not What You Meant, but roofs weren’t something you had around much

 **Foxy:** like, b4 _and_ after voidy stuff from what youve said?

**Bokkie:** true

 **Bokkie:** but also, yes, very much not what I meant

**Rogue:** I have a theory about that btw

 **Rogue:** but also, yknow

 **Rogue:** please dont ask where I got the background info?

 **Rogue** : aan, I probs shoulda sent that in dm

 **Rogue:** and that still wont answer Kai

**Foxy:** I am IMMEDIATELY concerned

**Siren:** tough, my turn to interrogate a ninga

 **Siren:** ninja*

**Foxy:** you spelt interragate right but not ninja?

**Siren:** shut

 **Siren:** english is a weird language

**Rogue:** yup, also hurry up

 **Rogue:** opening up lowers my impulse control

 **Rogue:** distract me wit a guaranteed ‘youve done worse’ convo b4 I say somethin I dont mean to

**Bokkie:** maybe consider for a moment

 **Bokkie:** the implications

 **Bokkie:** when opening up slightly

 **Bokkie:** makes you want to tell us everything?

**Rogue:** nah

 **Rogue:** thinking bad

 **Rogue:** drowning in the weight of my sins for my damned eternal life seems fun

**Foxy:** so, um, about dming me??

**Rogue:** one sec, Eve found me

 **Rogue:** why did I think this was a good idea?

 **Rogue:** oh right

 **Rogue:** cause it went well once

 **Rogue:** in some very specific circumstances that don’t replicate well

**Direct Messages (X_FistOfShadows_X, FoxOff)**

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** honestly, I dont have much

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** but im pretty sure its cause your ancestor sold her soul to like, three different demons and a god and gave it to one of them but did it for good reasons so the god fucked her over bc Kindred just kinda be like that but wthe demons liked her cause their boss was kinda a dick (not as much as a dick as the next one but whatevs) and she helped them kill him so the screwing over is kinda lessened mostly cause Djinn has her soul still and is keeping it safe so it just kinda manifests as a heridatary ‘Kythera Luck’ thing and you probably don’t get that reference but shes a cool spider superhero who has main character luck and im gonna stop typing now

**FoxOff:** nerd

 **FoxOff:** like, that’s really extisential crisis inducing and I want to know how you know it

 **FoxOff:** but also

 **FoxOff:** nerd

 **FoxOff:** you just summarised the infernal war like you were there

 **FoxOff:** then capped it off with a Spider Queen reference

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** HAH THAT’S A WEIRD COMPARISOn

**FoxOff:** ?

 **FoxOff:** did you catch the caps lock key there?

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** yes

**FoxOff:** k

 **FoxOff:** oh, speaking of caps lock

 **FoxOff:** Im guessing you and Evie are done then?

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** yes

**FoxOff:** how did it go?

 **FoxOff:** you don’t have to share details,

 **FoxOff:** but as a gossip, a concerned friend _and_ technically in charge here, I do want to know if you two are still cool?

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** yes

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** Eve mentioned you know her nature?  
  


 **FoxOff:** …yes

 **FoxOff:** what else did she mention?

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** nothing about you

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** I dont think she even realised she let slip you knew

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** it was pretty off-hand

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** but yeah, long story short I’m very old.

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** not quite as old as Eve, but it’s pretty close

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** this isnt our first meeting over the centuries

**FoxOff:** huh

 **FoxOff:** and one of those places was on Runeterra?

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** I lived there for a while yeah

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** and that was where we first met

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** I left just after the Infernal War

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** which, srsly?

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** thats what yall called it?

**FoxOff:** yeah

 **FoxOff:** and neat

 **FoxOff:** your nerdiness is excused

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** quick question

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** is this how u and Kais felt at the lac of questions?

**FoxOff:** I mean

 **FoxOff:** probably more Kai than me

 **FoxOff:** Im not one to look a gift horse in the mouth

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** really?

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** Id think the First Star would induce paranoia

**FoxOff:** hwo the fuck do yu know about that

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** same reason I know your ancestor Ahri

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** well, actually I just know how he works

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** a group of sibling refugees from Runeterra, all in touch, two of which are sharing a soul?

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** not many groups fit that

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** real neat work their btw

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** like, that kind of stuff is always easier with soulmates but even so you merged them really well

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** assuming thats your work anyway

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** your ancestor is the only one Ive ever met who had the skill to do that, so Im assuming it was you?

**FoxOff:** yes

 **FoxOff:** you’re the Infernal Djinn, aren’t you?

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** how was that what clued you in???

**FoxOff:** because it just clicked who you think Im descended from

 **FoxOff:** and the only one who would know the fate of her soul, assuming the Djinn got it would be the Djinn herself

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** wait, rlly?

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** miella was never really subtle about it

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** I guess which of us she was gonna give it to getting lost makes sense

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** she tended to get blackout drunk before she got to that point

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** god she was such a dork sometimes

**FoxOff:** ???

 **FoxOff:** Akali, did you fuck my ancestor???

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** What?!!??!?

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** how the hell did you guess THAT!?!?!?

**FoxOff:** you called her Miella

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** …shit

**FoxOff:** also uyou were being sweet and all lost in memory about her

 **FoxOff:** over TEXT which, just wy??

 **FoxOff:** and then I rememebered an old tavern song Rakan leartn when he snuck out once??

 **FoxOff:** about how ‘the priestesses soul resides with her lover evermore’

 **FoxOff:** and I hyperfocused on that to avoid thinking about the in hindsight rlly rlly obvious connections to her you just pointed out???

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** ThYE WROTE SONGS ABOUT US?????

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** IM TORN

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** BETWEEN WANTING TO HEAR AND WTF???

**FoxOff:** so, what you’re saying here

 **FoxOff:** is that you’re totally my grandma?

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** ahri y

  
 **FoxOff:** bc that means my grandmother is younger than my bestie

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** shit u rigt

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** althou, we definitely aint related

 **X_FistOfShadows_X:** unless ya need the birds and bees?

**FoxOff:** point made

 **FoxOff:** Step-Grandma

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** please stop

**FoxOff:** sure, when you stop drawing boss aggro then dipping in Demacia Vice

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** u just draw 20’d me and you know it

**FoxOff:** sure did Grandma

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** Ok brat


	13. Sneaky Foxes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why does this keep updating the same day as Souls and Shadows? Idk, whats a schedule (also, writing puts me in a writey mood, but Souls and Shadows puts me in a League mood, so Starstruck scratches both itches)

** JinxStopChangingTheChatName **

**ShesSweet:** 1 day till concert!

**ButPsycho:** ikr!

**ButPsycho:** I get ti tret my Luxy Lux!

**Yrulikthis:** we are well aware

**Yrulikthis:** and all have diabetes

**Yrulikthis:** I didnt think you two could get sappier

**Yrulikthis:** I was a fool

**Yrulikthis:** a fool I tell you

**Sanity:** oh let them have their fun

**Sanity:** you _know_ they play it up even more when you’re around to mess with you

**Wonderer:** im off to work! I shall see you all later!

**ShesSweet:** Oh! You picked up your lunch right?

**Wonderer:** Of course!

**ButPsycho:** hav a nic day shortie

**Wonderer:** I shall!

**Sanity:** speaking of daily events

**Sanity:** @ButPsycho talk to your damn sister

**ButPsycho:** no

**ButPsycho:** fuk u

**ButPsycho:** don wanna

**Sanity:** ok, just your daily reminder

**Sanity:** Im going to visit Syndra today, @Yrulikthis, so be careful in the forge ok?

**Yrulikthis:** I always am

**Sanity:** and I always remind you

**Sanity:** anyway, no one cause any unnatural weather patterns that could get me dragged into work, ok?

**ShesSweet:** I said I was sorry!!!!!

**ButPsycho:** Im not! :D

** OGSG **

**EdgeLady:** if any you start a storm im stabbing you

**AngryBirb:** well now, im tempted

**Peacock:** but babe!

**Peacock:** that would totally ruin my hair!

**AngryBirb:** aww

**AngryBirb:** shucks

**MF:** the only storms I make are of bullets.

**MF:** but, im guessing its Jannas day off?

**EdgeLady:** yes

**TwinkStar:** so, what did Jinx do last time that made this necessary??

**EdgeLady:** who the fuck knows

**EdgeLady:** but it ruined my day completely

**EdgeLady:** the broadcast was amusing though

**TwinkStar:** ?

**EdgeLady:** ‘ah, this storm is exhibiting extremely unusual behaviours, almost as though it is manmade an- wait, Jinx! What in the name of the First Star are you _doing!!!!’_

**EdgeLady:** followed by five minutes of her poor cameraman standing there awkwardly, with no idea what’s going on while she chastised a completely unapologetic Jinx

**FoxOff:** real talk, how has Jinx not gotten arrested yet?

**FoxOff:** like, I know shes not that bad usually but like…

**FoxOff:** wtf?

**TwinkStar:** pre-sg?

**TwinkStar:** shes very fast

**TwinkStar:** post sg?

**TwinkStar:** shes very fast and can fly

**BootyHunter:** also shes like, weirdly good at stopping people from getting hurt in her rampages

**BootyHunter:** so when she does get caught its literally just for vandalism and disturbing the peace

**BootyHunter:** only reason VI is on her case is cause she took it all personally

**FoxOff:** wait

**FoxOff:** is that why VI was looking for her??

**FoxOff:** did I lie to a cop???

**BootyHunter:** I mean, yes, every family game night

**BootyHunter:** but nah, I don’t have a clue who this other Jinx shes looking for is

**BootyHunter:** Fisticuffs and I get along, but we dont talk much

**BootyHunter:** and besides, its not lying if youve been tricked

**FoxOff:** for the last time Sar I dont cheat at Monopoly!

**BootyHunter:** sure you dont

**FoxOff:** oh right,

**FoxOff:** dunno why that reminded me but I was thinking about some of the old stories

**FoxOff:** @Peacock, do you still remember that song about the Infernal Djinn and the Priestess?

**FoxOff:** I have the melody stuck in my head but I cant remember the lyrics?

**Peacock:** Of course!

**Peacock:** want me to send you a performance?

**Peacock:** its meant to be sung by a female singer but well, you know how stubborn Xayah is

**AngryBirb:** I dont know the words!

**Peacock:** ill get you singing with me one day love

**AngryBirb:** sure you will

**Peacock:** I see a smile!

**AngryBirb:** dork

**AngryBirb:** of course Im smiling, your here

**FoxOff:** ew, imagine not being single

**BootyHunter:** ffs, just ask Eve out already

**FoxOff:** god, why does everyone say that recently?

**FoxOff:** we’re just friends!

**BootyHunter:** sure

**OGCinnamon:** I like Evelynn

**OGCinnamon:** so… extreme!

**OGCinnamon:** and she makes you smile and giggle!

**OGCinnamon:** very sweet!

**TwinkStar:** Ahri, sis, I literally have multiple text logs of you ranting at 3am about how pretty she is

**FoxOff:** I was drunk!

**FoxOff:** and objectively correct!

**FoxOff:** Id do the same thing if I got drunk in a portrait gallery!

**Peacock:** so, songs sent

**Peacock:** sorry about the background noise, it was just a quick one on my phone!

**FoxOff:** ah, this is perfect Rakan!

**FoxOff:** again, K/DA is always open to collab…?

**Peacock:** eh, maybe someday

**Peacock:** Ill stick to my tavern crowds for now

**Peacock:** I mean, the world deserves to appreciate how amazing I am, but I feel like they don’t get too fully observe the awesome on such a big stage, yknow?

**FoxOff:** there is something personal lost with a bigger crowd

**FoxOff:** ah well, someday

**AngryBirb:** by the way, Ive seen some sketchy characters lurking around the club at the end of my shifts

**AngryBirb:** whichever one of you wants to deal with that @FoxOff @BootyHunter

**FoxOff:** dibs

**BootyHunter:** you ok?

**FoxOff:** now I am

**FoxOff:** have these guys been going in at all?

**AngryBirb:** they’ve been trying

**AngryBirb:** Ive found excuses to toss em out pretty quickly

**AngryBirb:** I can let them stick around whenever you want to come pick them up?

**FoxOff:** Im free tonight

**AngryBirb:** k

**AngryBirb:** Ill text you when they get here

**AngryBirb:** theyve been coming every night

**FoxOff:** how many?

**AngryBirb:** 2

**FoxOff:** one each then (:

**BootyHunter:** lets add this to my list of reasons to be glad my phones as near to unhackable as it gets

**FoxOff:** whats a little casual murder between the mafia?

**FoxOff:** (it is a mafia your in right now, right?)

**BootyHunter:** when its a popstar?

**BootyHunter:** blackmail material

**BootyHunter:** (and yes, for now)

**BootyHunter:** shit

**BootyHunter:** speaking of these mafia idiots, gotta run

**FoxOff:** have fun!

**Direct Messages (FoxOff, X_FistOfShadows_X)**

**FoxOff has sent a file!**

**FoxOff:** heres a cover of the old song I mentioned

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** wow

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** I dont suppose this guy has an album I could claim Im covering?

**FoxOff:** sadly, no

**FoxOff:** Rakans stubborn

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** wait

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** Oh that motherfucker!

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** I know exactly who wrote it!

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** that jackass swore he wouldnt tell!

**FoxOff:** ?

**FoxOff:** who wrote it?

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** ME!

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** parts at least

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** a glacial who was helping us caught me writing poems once and apparently thought he would get away with reading them cause I was banished

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** jokes on him I cursed the paper

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** get fucked Frosty, hope reading my crappy poems was worth smelling like sulphur for the rest of your life!

**FoxOff:** wait, so, this is, in effect, your first song written Roguey?

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** if you count edgy romantic poetry getting pirated into a tavern song as songwriting, then yes

**FoxOff:** a collab then

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** sure

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** say, how long do you think it would take for someone to figure it out if I made an anonamous youtube account?

**FoxOff:** depends on how lucky you get I guess?

**FoxOff:** if you want to do a cover of it, Ive been considering a project for a long time

**FoxOff:** taking all the myths we can remember and making some form of art from them

**FoxOff:** a musical of the Infernal War would be neat?

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** that

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** sounds nice

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** Im guessinfg Priesty would be the main character

**FoxOff:** probably?

**FoxOff:** I grew up in an orphanage dedicated to her, so she was usually the focus of the tellings I heard

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** oh neat, that place is still standing?

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** well, was

**FoxOff:** yeah was

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** so, ignoring my foot so far down my throat its coming out my ass…

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** I can fill in most the details for other perspectives?

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** I remember everything

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** and

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** its kinda hard but I can ask Priesty for some other details?

**FoxOff:** wait

**FoxOff:** of course, you still have her soul

**FoxOff:** can I see it?

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** um

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** yes?

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** sorry, I kinda fucked up your bloodline

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** Im kinda the best of the possible evils

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** but still

**FoxOff:** dont call yourself evil Kali

**FoxOff:** also, thanks for making it slightly better

**FoxOff:** ngl, dont wanna know what my life would be like if the Wolf held my fate

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** tbh, Wolf literally cant claim me and he still scares the crap out of me

**FoxOff:** he cant?

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** nope

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** if I figure out a way to die, it took a lot of planning

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** cause you cant kill someone who doesn’t own their own soul

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** and Im not getting that thing back ever

**FoxOff:** concerning

**FoxOff:** but nows not the time to plot against the Ashen Lord

**FoxOff:** so, its in the necklace?

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** why are you still texting?

**FoxOff:** Evies hearings really good and I she definitely wont approve of what im planning

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** I am immediately concerned

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** but yes

**FoxOff:** does it matter what the souls in?

**FoxOff:** if I stuck it in, say, a phone would that fuck anything up?

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** it might fuck up the phone?

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** but also

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** are you planning what I think youre planning?

**FoxOff:** yup

**X_FistOfShadows_X:** …Im ready to fight the others with a claim on her soul if anything goes wrong, so try it

**FoxOff:** ok

**FoxOff:** 3

**FoxOff:** 2

**FoxOff:** 1

** K/DA **

**Siren:** ahri what the FUCK did you just do.

**Foxy:** something fun?

**Foxy has added IPhone 1**

**IPhone 1 has changed their username to Priestess**

**Rogue:** oh gods

**Priestess:** hello again, Miella

**Priestess:** :) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Just to clarify, before this Akali could talk to her dead girlfriends soul but it took like, a LOT of effort and preparation for a very short conversation- not that that stopped Akali, it was just a bit of a hassle)  
> (Priestess getting a ghost phone? Not planned, but boy am I living for the chance to write the kind of edgy overly-eloquent dialogue Ive always pictured for that Ahri skin)


	14. Priestess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, yes, Plot, what's this?
> 
> Weirdly enough, this is better planned than anything else leading up to this.

**Bokkie:** um, two questions

 **Bokkie:** why can I hear crying

 **Bokkie:** and, nice to meet you Priestess, but who are you?

**Priestess:** to you, no one of importance Daughter of the Void,

 **Priestess:** to Ahri, an old legend.

**Rogue:** to Akali, the reason I love this world

**Priestess:** always so dramatic, my love

  
 **Rogue:** for you, always

**Siren:** so, im just gonna reiterate

 **Siren:** ahri what the FUCK

**Foxy:** oh hey, your caps lock key isnt broken

 **Foxy:** yknow, looking back I probably shouldve started a bet on that

 **Foxy:** oh well live and learn

**Siren:** just

 **Siren:** foxy

**Foxy:** Eve, really, don’t worry

 **Foxy:** Im fine

 **Foxy:** clubbing tonight, if your free?

**Siren:** always

 **Siren:** especially if your going to do stupid things like this

**Foxy:** really, Im fine

**Priestess:** you have an interesting definition of ‘fine’

**Foxy:** youve had a phone for all of five seconds and Im being called out?

 **Foxy:** ok, I see how it is grandma

**Priestess:** respect your elders brat

**Bokkie:** ok, this is more shenanigans like how Soraka’s somehow the oldest of your siblings isnt it?

**Foxy:** ehee

 **Foxy:** kind of?

 **Foxy:** its complicated

**Bokkie:** ok, lunch should be ready soon

 **Bokkie:** is Priestess gonna eat?

 **Bokkie:** and is that your real name @Priestess?

**Priestess:** No, and also no,

 **Priestess:** although, it’s what I’ve been known as for so long it might as well be

 **Priestess:** for all the value a name holds to begin with.

**Rogue:** I seem to remember you putting a lot of stock in it when we met :P

**Priestess:** and I seem to recall you so swiftly and totally replacing it with your love

**Rogue:** and yet still you never told me what exactly I replaced

**Priestess:** well, at this point that would spoil the game would it not ;)

**Bokkie:** so, if girlfriends are getting added can I add Sivir?

**Foxy:** sure, go ahead!

**Bokkie:** I mean, I was joking

 **Bokkie:** but sure!

**Bokkie has added Sivir to K/DA**

**Bokkie has changed Sivir’s username to HotButMorallyAmbiguous**

**HotButMorallyAmbiguous:** yes

 **HotButMorallyAmbiguous:** who’s Sivir?

 **HotButMorallyAmbiguous:** Im just hot, but morally ambiguous

**HotButMorallyAmbiguous has changed their username to PizzaGirl**

**PizzaGirl:** but also, thats a bitch to type everytime I need @ ing

**Rogue:** heya Siv

**PizzaGirl:** heyo Kali

**Foxy:** how the hell did you two make saying hi sound like Peak Bromance™

**Rogue:** the sheer power

  
 **PizzaGirl:** of dealing with this dumbasses shit since we were kids

**Bokkie:** oh? That makes more sense

 **Bokkie:** I think

 **Bokkie:** no, it really doesnt but im trying not to pry

**Priestess:** an admirable quality, oh hero

 **Priestess:** although, there are extremes in all things.

**Bokkie:** I am very aware

 **Bokkie:** also, you unnerve me for some reason

**Priestess:** That’s likely because I have one foot in your old world, hero.

**Bokkie:** …yeah, I agree with Eve, Ahri what the hell have you been up too???

 **Bokkie:** but also

 **Bokkie:** I really dont want to know

**Siren:** i wish i couldnt guess -_-

**Direct Messages (Akali, Sivunas)**

**Sivunas:** whos Priestess?

**Akali:** uh

 **Akali:** my gf?

 **Akali:** long story

 **Akali:** I kinda had her soul in a necklace and now its in a phone

**Priestess:** hello!

 **Priestess:** Akali, infiltrating areas of the digital world is now as simple as those in the physical realm to me like this!

 **Priestess:** ‘tis fascinating!

**Sivunas:** ok

 **Sivunas:** just

 **Sivunas:** ok

 **Sivunas:** anyway

**Akali:** look, shit happened while you were dead!

**Sivunas:** I mean, I was probably alive and just lik

 **Sivunas:** a space mercenary

 **Sivunas:** but the point stands

 **Sivunas:** oh right

 **Sivunas:** so, im guessing by the soul shenaninegans, Priesty lurking in your phone isnt a privacy issue?

**Priestess:** trust me Chalicar bearer, I have seen much more of my Djinn than even you ;)

**Sivunas:** tmi, but Id hope so

 **Sivunas:** Kali, have you considered spilling the tragic backstory to Kai’sa?

**Akali:** no

 **Akali:** but

 **Akali:** you can

 **Akali:** just

 **Akali:** gloss over my parts?

 **Akali:** if your planning on telling her?

 **Akali:** its not hard

**Priestess:** My dear.

 **Priestess:** You _have_ effectively told everyone _but_ the noble hero you befriended?

**Akali:** Yeah

 **Akali:** look

 **Akali:** u know the like, second thing I dmed you Siv?

 **Akali:** u called me out for being edgy weeb?

**Sivunas:** the ‘pretty much the source of my faith in humanity’ thing?

**Akali:** yes

**Sivunas:** yee?

**Akali:** that wasnt an exaggeration

 **Akali:** I played VoidPixel on a whim, and it reminded me of who I had been before all these long, drawn out centuries.

 **Akali:** just a scared little girl, playing with dark forces and trying not to lose myself

 **Akali:** but she _succeeded_

 **Akali:** and humanity _loved_ her for it

 **Akali:** well

 **Akali:** the real ones anyway

 **Akali:** in the game she’s pretty hated

**Sivunas:** if I ever end up in her game, Im cutting some bitches then

**Akali:** mood

 **Akali:** But yeah

 **Akali:** she reminded me how great humanity could aspire to be

 **Akali:** then became my best friend

 **Akali:** basically im a coward what else is new, hows the weather doing?

**Priestess:** Oh please,

 **Priestess:** you are many things my love, but a coward is not one of them.

**Sivunas:** I had an essay typed

 **Sivunas:** but your gf summed it up better

 **Sivunas:** listn to her

**Akali:** also

 **Akali:** theyre all safe when she doesnt know

 **Akali:** its in my contract with the Ashen Lord

 **Akali:** he can’t break my contracts unless I do

 **Akali:** which includes my K/DA contract, which expressly states I can’t do anything that would cause me to leave before it expires

 **Akali:** which, killing any of them would stop the tour pretty damn quick

 **Akali:** but telling Kai could stop it just as fast if she takes it badly

 **Akali:** which is more than enough of a loophole for him to hurt them all

**Preistess:** and you were so sure my descendant would cause no such problems?

**Akali:** dunno if youve backread yet, but Ahris 5 secs away from fucking the embodiment of suffering

 **Akali:** and even if she did take anything badly, shes too professional to let personal differences end a tour

 **Akali:** and shes your-descendant enough to consider working with a soulless demon to be ‘personal differences’

 **Akali:** plus, a lot of this is based on belief

 **Akali:** hence why my deals are either the most airtight thing ever or holier than swiss cheese

**Priestess:** For the last time love,

 **Priestess:** your soul being distanced from your body means nothing for how it calls to you.

 **Priestess:** If my words cannot sway you, consider perchance that my descendant didn’t even notice your nature?

**Akali:** yeah but that doesnt change the fact

 **Akali:** that I cant stop Xerath if he decided to loophole shit in my deal

 **Akali:** so Im giving him as few possibilities as possible

**Sivunas:** ok

 **Sivunas:** I’ll gloss over how youre still kicking

 **Sivunas:** just

 **Sivunas:** out of curiosity, if you knew for sure it would turn out alright, would you tell angel?

**Akali:** of course

 **Akali:** shes my best friend

 **Akali:** ‘s girlfriend

 **Akali:** while Im talking to you

**Sivunas:** lol

 **Sivunas:** gonna go mute every1 else and talk to her

**Akali:** k

**Sivunas:** you and Priesty have fun ;P

**Priestess:** Oh, we most certainly will. ;)

**Sivunas:** I want that story sometime btw Kali

**Akali:** course

 **Akali:** now leave me to my gf and go talk to yours

**Sivunas:** c u

**Sivir has created a group chat**

**Sivir has named the chat SAS**

**Sivir has added Evelynn, Priestess, and Kai’sa to SAS**

**Sivir:** welcome to Save Akali’s [Spoiler]

 **Sivir:** dont let her know this chat exists, in any capacity, or our mission is failed before it can begin

**Priestess:** oh!

 **Priestess:** Well, I can’t claim I foresaw this, but I most certainly approve!

 **Priestess:** Although:

**Priestess has added Ahri to SAS**

**Ahri:** wtf

 **Ahri:** ok

 **Ahri:** I was kidding,, but lets fucking go

 **Ahri:** wanted to punch the Prick Lord in the face since I first heard the story

**Kai’sa:** I…

 **Kai’sa:** did you mean to add me?

 **Kai’sa:** I have no idea what is happening

**Sivir:** no, thats super intentional

 **Sivir:** clueing you in on this cloak and dagger bullshit is kinda a secondary goal

**Evelynn:** and what, prey tell is the main goal, gatekeeper?

**Sivir:** ok first

 **Sivir:** I passed that title on long ago Agony

 **Sivir:** and secondly

 **Sivir:** just read the chat name

 **Sivir:** we’re Saving Akali’s Soul

**Kai’sa:** it’s in danger??/

**Ahri:** yup

 **Ahri:** no mentioning we’re helping her to Akali though

 **Ahri:** she’s being watched, that’ll just get us all killed

**Kai’sa:** Ok

 **Kai’sa:** so

 **Kai’sa:** Whats the plan

 **Kai’sa:** who do we need to eliminate

 **Kai’sa:** and what is the necessary information to be shared?

**Sivir:** I’ll get back to you on the plan when we have one

 **Sivir:** our target is the Ashen Lord, Akali’s boss

 **Sivir:** as for necessary information, @Priestess knows more about that part than I do

 **Sivir:** but

 **Sivir:** unnecessary information?

 **Sivir:** I lied

 **Sivir:** when I said Ive only had close brushes with death

 **Sivir:** ive died

 **Sivir:** a lot actually

 **Sivir:** I reincarnate every time

 **Sivir:** new body, same Chalicar

**Kai’sa:** oh wow

 **Kai’sa:** that’s… a lot to unpack

 **Kai’sa:** and Akali’s the same?

**Sivir:** nah

 **Sivir:** she lived a little longer than me the first time

 **Sivir:** somehow between me dying and coming back, she became immortal

**Kai’sa:** Ah, Im guessing that has something to do with the soul saving needed?

 **Kai’sa:** the Ashen Lord is some being that has her soul in exchange for eternal life?

**Sivir:** from what I gathered, yes,

 **Sivir:** fast as ever Angel

 **Sivir:** but we’re into @Priestess part

**Priestess:** indeed.

 **Priestess:** although really, @Ahri could explain it just as succinctly.

**Ahri:** Ill pass

 **Ahri:** I heard that story way too much to like it anymore

 **Ahri:** also, good to know Kai’sa is a hypocrite lol

**Kai’sa:** Oh, no, Im in mission mode rn

 **Kai’sa:** when we’re done killing this ‘Ashen Lord’, _then_ I’m interrogating her

**Sivir:** fair tbh

 **Sivir:** also, @Priestess?

**Priestess:** The short version of the legend, is that a group of mortal cultists, led by the Icemelter, discovered a new lord and splintered off into their own faction, making oaths trading their very souls for a greater power, becoming Infernals

 **Priestess:** the cults still around, I believe?

**Sivir:** yeah

 **Sivir:** they want their damn knife back

 **Sivir:** but they can pry it from my cold, dead hands

 **Sivir:** and have, several times

**Evelynn:** why do they want it back??

 **Evelynn:** its useless to anyone but you!

 **Evelynn:** and they definitely don’t want _you_ using it!

 **Evelynn:** wait

 **Evelynn:** nvm

 **Evelynn:** answered my own question

**Kai’sa:** Ok, what abilities does ‘Ashen Lord’ posses?

 **Kai’sa:** Im assuming something to do with fire, from the name?

**Priestess:** lots of fire

 **Priestess:** The weakest of natural born Infernals, a mere child of their kind, burns entire cities to the ground with his mere presence, his tantrums turning _countries_ to little more than a blazing inferno

 **Priestess:** when they attacked Runeterra, it took the intervention of the Kindred ones for us to stand the slightest chance of victory, and even then, it was only by leveraging the current Ashen Lord’s brewing coup and loophole in Akali’s dealings with mortals.

 **Priestess:** and my descendant pays the toll for those deals to this day.

  
 **Ahri:** I mean

 **Ahri:** it isnt that bad??

 **Ahri:** I mean

 **Ahri:** if it hadn’t been me, it would have been someone else y’knw?

**Priestess:** Child, you were never meant to bare the burden of my choices

 **Priestess:** and, from even the brief glances I have had into your life, it would have been _several_ ‘someone else’’s

**Ahri:** and then there would be a bunch of people suffering for something I could do on my own, so eh

**Priestess:** Honestly

 **Priestess:** why did my attitude have to be the greatest thing to pass down to you?

**Ahri:** cause Im awesome

 **Ahri:** anyway

 **Ahri:** so we’re dealing with like, a LOT of fire, immortality, being a giant guy made out of magma, did I miss any?

**Priestess:** No, although his immortality is just as conditional as Akali’s

 **Priestess:** if we claim his soul, we gain the power to kill him.

 **Priestess:** and he is bound, to an extent, by her deals

**Ahri:** ok

 **Ahri:** so, unless anyone else has any ideas Im thinking Soul Heist?

 **Ahri:** figure out where he’s keeping them, loot it, hand Akali hers back, kill The Betrayer with his and case-by-case the rest of them?

**Priestess:** the natural-born Infernals may cause problems with that idea, they have no soul to claim.

**Sivir:** I’ll call in a favour

 **Sivir:** they want Xerath out just as much as we do rn

 **Sivir:** they wont cause problems until we’re done

 **Sivir:** might even help

 **Sivir:** and from there, I can deal with the jackasses

**Kai’sa:** is ‘how’ going to affect our mission?

 **  
Sivir:** uh

 **Sivir:** no?

 **Sivir:** probably not

**Kai’sa:** ok, adding that to the list of questions to ask at a later date

**Sivir:** probs 4 the best

 **Sivir:** its a really long story

**Kai’sa:** everything seems to be

 **Kai’sa:** imagine how convenient life was when I could just remember my past, and everyone suddenly knew it.

**Sivir:** except the dumbasses who skip cutscenes lol

 **Sivir:** …which would absolutely be me

**Evelynn:** mood

 **Evelynn:** oh, and for clarities sake @kai’sa, the backup plan if the heist goes to shit is that i see just how much pain i can put an immortal through before they break

**Ahri:** right

 **Ahri:** that’s a given

 **Ahri:** try not to get too bashed up if it comes to that?

**Evelynn:** luv, i _do_ the hurting

 **Evelynn:** the worst he’ll be able to do to me is leave a woman unsatisfied

**Ahri:** I know I know

 **Ahri:** I just worry lol

 **Ahri:** cant hunt without my best bitch now can I?

**Kai’sa:** ok, Im not even going to ask why that’s a valid backup plan

 **Kai’sa:** or the second part

 **Kai’sa:** @Sivir, @Priestess, @Ahri, do any of you know where he might be keeping the souls?

 **Kai’sa:** or where we can begin our search?

**Sivir:** nope

 **Sivir:** again, died b4 we got to that point

**Priestess:** Sadly, telling me that was very high on the list of things he would kill Miella for.

 **Priestess:** both of them, actually.

**Ahri:** I… might? But it’s a long shot

 **Ahri:** give me a minute

**Direct Messages (Syndra, Ahri)**

**Ahri:** hey Syn

 **Ahri:** I have a question?

**Syndra:** yes Foxy?

**Ahri:** um

 **Ahri:** purely out of curiosity, were you around during the Infernal War?

**Syndra:** I highly doubt thats out of mere curiosity, but yes

 **Syndra:** I wasnt anywhere near Runeterra though, if thats what your asking

**Ahri:** no!

 **Ahri:** just

 **Ahri:** did you maybe happen to see where the Ashen Lord settled when he got banished?

**Syndra:** yes

**OGSG**

**EdgeLady:** Ahri’s doing something stupid and not telling us again

**BootyHunter:** of course she is

**FoxOff:** Oh come on!

 **FoxOff:** why is this the one thing you two agree on!

**EdgeLady:** details Ahri, or you dont get the info

**FoxOff:** …fine

 **FoxOff:** ill tell you what I can, then you tell me what I need to know


	15. Now, Something Different

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now for something completely different!

** P E N T A K I L L **

**Kayle:** help

 **Kayle:** its my sisters birthday soon

 **Kayle:** our relationship has just barely gotten past ‘murderous’ for the first time in centuries

 **Kayle:** what do I buy her?

**Sona:** arent you twins?

**Kayle:** I fail to see how that is relevant

**Karthus:** its your birthday too angel?

**Kayle:** and?

 **Kayle:** I havent cared for that tradition since I took up my holy blade

 **Kayle:** I only recall the date because Morgana has tried to reach out to me upon it each year that passed.

 **Kayle:** and it is at her behest I celebrate entering this world once more

**Sona:** jesus fuck youre a mess

**Kayle:** rude

 **Kayle:** but likely accurate

**Yorick:** the best of gifts comes from the heart

 **Yorick:** at the end of the day, what greater gift is there than your sisterly love?

**Kayle:** Yorick

 **Kayle:** we just ended a centuries-long grudge where we would murder each other on sight, started because in _my_ folly we clashed, and our father paid the ultimate price for my blindness.

 **Kayle:** ‘sisterly love’ is a _very new_ commodity and not exactly easy to wrap.

**Mordekaiser:** he’s onto something with the ‘from the heart’ part though

**Olaf:** give her the severed heart of her greatest enemy!

**Kayle:** that was my first thought!

 **Kayle:** but she doesnt have any!

 **Kayle:** she holds a Mortal view of justice

 **Kayle:** so she’d rather turn the other cheek, else has already wrought a retribution of her own.

**Sona:** ffs you murderhobos

 **Sona:** severed hearts are bad presents _anyway_

**Mordekaiser:** ah, I guess yours needs reconsidering then?

**Sona:** I have no idea if thats a joke or not, but Im going to take it as one.

**Mordekaiser:** *awkwardly moves body*

**Sona:** yeah, no, that doesnt clear it up

**Mordekaiser:** fair enough

**Sona:** anyway, Kayle, you disaster with wings

 **Sona:** what does your sister even like?

**Kayle:** baking

 **Kayle:** but ive already tried that

 **Kayle:** celestial fire is not an adequate substitute for an oven it seems

**Sona:** ok, what else does she like then?

 **Sona:** god its like pulling teeth

**Kayle:** see, this is a place where ‘spent centuries apart’ really starts to feel like it was an overreaction on both our parts

**Sona:** ffs

 **Sona:** just ask her if theres anything shed like then!

 **Sona:** and if that fails, ask her friends!

 **Sona:** fuck, I could probably ask them for you!

 **Sona:** like, half my friends have a sister working there!

 **Sona:** its kinda weird im not a regular now that I think about it

 **Sona:** …wait

 **Sona:** why aren’t I a regular???

 **Sona:** I love their pastries, I always bug Ahri into getting some whenever I go to the K/DA madhouse

 **Sona:** shit, what have I been doing with my life

**Karthus:** so

 **Karthus:** Pentakill field trip to stop by Morgana’s place of work?

**Sona:** fuck yeah!

 **Sona:** Im buying them out!

 **Sona:** although, Soraka knows Im DJ Sona too

 **Sona:** none of you dumbasses make me break out the Morse Code alright!?

**Olaf:** how the fuck have your fans still not realised you’re the same person??

 **Olaf:** Seriously

 **Olaf:** two mute musicians playing similar instruments with the _same name_

 **Olaf:** and NO ONE has realised you’re the same person yet

**Sona:** because, Olaf

 **Sona:** Pentakill Sona is Stress Relief Sona

 **Sona:** not default Sona

 **Sona:** plus, y’know

 **Sona:** the longer I get away with it, the more fun it is to just go apeshit as Pentakill and have 0 fuckin consequences for DJ Sona

 **Sona:** which makes it harder for anyone to associate DJ + Pentakill

 **Sona:** cause most of them dont know enough sign language to realise Im bored out of my skull at all my press appearances, and my fans get nice Sona because they arent dicks or ready for unfiltered sass, while Pentakill fans would be weirded out if I _didn’t_ drop an F-bomb every other word

 **Sona:** see, the real question is

 **Sona:** how the fuck has no one realised Kayle is literally a cop

**Kayle:** because ‘officer of the law’ isnt a job that gets much fame and is just as antithetical to my Pentakill persona as DJ Sona is to yours

 **Kayle:** and the only officer at the precinct whos a big enough Pentakill fan to recognise ‘Kayle from the office next to the deputies’ as their idol is also an idiot

 **Kayle:** well, an idiot when it comes to interpersonal interactions

 **Kayle:** she hides it well but shes just as cunning as the Sheriff when it comes to enforcing the law

 **Kayle:** thinking about it, shes shoved about fifty Pentakill posters in and around my face

 **Kayle:** …one moment

** Piltover’sFinest **

**JUSTICE:** um

 **JUSTICE:** @Fisticuffs

 **JUSTICE:** Out of curiosity, was there an ulterior motive to your unprofessional décor of the office?

**WHYISTHEREABEAR:** your grammar is still unnerving

**Fortune:** dammit

 **Fortune:** @Fisticuffs 20 bucks as soon as im off this cover assignment

**Fisticuffs:** wait what?

 **Fisticuffs:** wait

 **Fisticuffs:** Fuck Yeah!

**T R E E:** um, what are you all talking about?

**Fisticuffs:** just an old bet greenie

**T** **R E E:** oh

**Birdie:** which one was that?

**Fortune:** not one the whole office was in

 **Fortune:** don’t worry Quinn, you don’t have to coff up

 **Fortune:** I wouldn’t make you anyway

 **Fortune:** ;)

**Birdie:** well yeah, Id pay up so you didnt need to duh

**Fisticuffs:** annnd a miss

**Fortune:** bite me Vi

**Fisticuffs:** youd like that

**JUSTICE:** can

 **JUSTICE:** can I just get a straight answer

 **JUSTICE:** for _once_

**Fisticuffs:** nothing about me is straight

**Fortune:** No one here is straight

**GunsBlazin’:** I can give you a half-straight answer

**Sheriff:** nope

**TrollBrigade:** women hot

**Birdie:** I havent given a straight answer since I first saw Wonder Woman

**Human:** Quinn, you haven’t given a straight answer since you were born

 **Human:** regardless of whether word play is being used

**Birdie:** jeez Val, call me out why dont you?

**JUSTICE:** …

 **JUSTICE:** You all know

 **JUSTICE:** what I meant

**WHYISTHEREABEAR:** you walked right into that one Kayle

**JUSTICE:** I noticed

**Sheriff:** on a similar note

 **Sheriff:** I dont suppose Im going to get an answer as to why youre using this chat on the job, Fortune?

**Fortune:** for once

 **Fortune:** yes

 **Fortune:** nearly ready to pull the plug on these guys, and I need to pre-book vacation days for directly after

 **Fortune:** before you ask, its family business

**Sheriff:** ah

 **Sheriff:** in the ‘I don’t want to know’ way, or the ‘you don’t want to tell me’ way?

**Fortune:** both, actually

 **Fortune:** but yeah, it shouldnt be long now on this BotLane mafia

**IIsHuman:** Is there anything I can help with Forty (´・ω・`)?

 **IIsHuman:** I have plenty of free time! (◕▿◕✿)

**Fortune:** no, I have it handled Blitzzy

 **Fortune:** sweet as it is of you to offer :)

**IIsHuman:** no problem!

 **IIsHuman:** I worry about you on all these deep cover assingnments (>_<)

**Fortune:** sweet of you, but you needn’t worry

 **Fortune:** I can more than handle myself

 **Fortune:** and anyone who gets in my way feels Shock and Awe ;)

**Fisticuffs:** booo

 **Fisticuffs:** bad pun

**Fortune:** ok Vi Olence

**T R E E:** I have no idea who you are

**Fortune:** speaking of cute

 **Fortune:** you the partner Sheriff finally stuck Vi with?

**T R E E:** yes!

 **T R E E:** I am Zyra

 **T R E E:** I am a tree

 **T R E E:** several trees!

**Fortune:** ok, thats uncanny

 **Fortune:** you type like my little sister

**Sheriff:** and now I can’t unsee that

 **Sheriff:** thanks

**Fortune:** your welcome!

**Lululu:** Oh, Sarah!

 **Lululu:** if youre almost done, does that mean you can come to the next Very Important Star Guardian Meeting?!

**Fortune:** Ill see what I can do Fairy

 **Fortune:** if I cant make the next one, Ill be there for the one after

**T R E E:** Star Guardian?

 **T R E E:** Is that something I should know by now or??

**Fortune:** nah

 **Fortune:** its just what they call our big family sleep overs

 **Fortune:** Im the coolest cousin, so I go to theirs when I can

**T R E E:** Oh!

 **T R E E:** by the way

 **T R E E:** If your ‘family issues’ involve the Ashen Lord, as the trees are whispering, I will _gladly_ help for a chance to rip that bastard to shreds and make him feel every inch of the agony he has inflicted upon me.

**Fortune:** …ok!

 **Fortune:** Im not even going to ask!

 **Fortune:** Ill add you if we go with any murder plans

**Sheriff:** well that seems legal.

**Fortune:** technically, he isnt protected by the law of any nation

 **Fortune:** or human rights

**Sheriff:** yeah, no, that just makes me more concerned

**JUSTICE:** @Fisticuffs can you just answer me? Im nearly at my sisters bakery and I don’t want too be distracted

 **JUSTICE:** or take part in this conversation

 **JUSTICE:** or read this conversation

 **JUSTICE:** or be in any way complicit in this conversation

 **JUSTICE:** We talk about planning actual crimes far, far too often

**Fisticuffs:** only when Fortune’s around!

**JUSTICE:** _police brutality is a crime Vi_

**Fisticuffs:** yeah but I dont _plan_ that

 **Fisticuffs:** also, yeah, I was absoloutly fuckng with you, dont worry about it I wont tell

 **Fisticuffs:** sign pls?

**JUSTICE:** all I needed

 **JUSTICE:** and, no

** P E N T A K I L L **

**Kayle:** fuck, she knows

**Sona:** Kayle

 **Sona:** we are literally stood right next to you

 **Sona:** _you_ have vocal cords, use them

**Kayle:** no

 **Kayle:** that will ruin this wonderful silence

 **Kayle:** …

 **Kayle:** ok, you’ve made your point please stop

 **Kayle:** because Im pretty sure you wouldnt be able to hear me with how loud you’re playing?

**Sona:** ok, that one was fair enough

 **Sona:** are we nearly there?

 **Sona:** cool

 **Sona:** yeah, I know, its hilarious >:)

 **Sona:** you actually backread the chat?

 **Sona:** weirdo

** Pantheon’s Pastries Staff Chat **

**Morgana:** ok, so, if Kayle asks Im doing something really delicate that means I realistically haven’t noticed her

**Leona:** you are?

 **Leona:** and I don’t think shes even here?

**Morgana:** Leo, just because you have to check the oven every five seconds or everything will be on fire, doesn’t mean I have to

 **Morgana:** and Kayle is my twin, I can sense her

 **Morgana:** shes just down the road, and Pentakill are with her

**Leona:** wait, youre twins?

**Morgana:** yes?

 **Morgana:** hair dye aside, we’re identical

 **Morgana:** Its not exactly hard to see

**Leona:** sorry, just the way you’ve been talking about her birthday implied it wasn’t also yours

**Morgana:** ok, that’s fair

 **Morgana:** she hasn’t celebrated in… a long time

 **Morgana:** I finally convinced her to celebrate her day of birth once more, I want it to be special for her.

**Diana:** so, for clarity’s sake, did she not celebrate in a ‘birthdays aren’t important’ way or an ‘intense self-loathing’ way?

**Morgana:** why the hell would I know

 **Morgana:** I hated her for most of it

**Diana:** ok, fair enough I suppose

 **Diana:** why dont you want to talk to her?

**Morgana:** Pentakill are with her

 **Morgana:** theyre loud, and obnoxious and shell be in a snarky mood if shes willingly hanging out with them

 **Morgana:** and their mediator hates me

**Soraka:** um

 **Soraka:** why does Sona hate you?

**Morgana:** I offhandedly insulted her choice in instrument, and she chose to hold a grudge

 **Morgana:** it was a poorly phrased compliment, but does she care?

 **Morgana:** of course not

 **Morgana:** one social blunder and Im on her blacklist

 **Morgana:** not that Imm one to comment on grudges, I suppose.

 **Morgana:** Im*

**Diana:** technically, its ‘I’m’

**Morgana:** and technically it was a war crime

**Diana:** ONE TIME!

**Morgana:** five

**Diana:** what?

 **Diana:** oh

 **Diana:** no, I helped the third time!

 **Diana:** and the first and last ones dont count

**Leona:** wait, which one are you calling the second time

**Morgana:** Of course the last one counted, orphans were involved!

 **Morgana:** and that still leaves two

**Diana:** because a subordinate got out of hand and was punished accordingly!

 **Diana:** and you dont have room to talk on the second one, you were there too!

**Atreus:** ah yes

 **Atreus:** normal bakery conversations

 **Atreus:** a nitpick over grammar becomes a nitpick over what counts as war crimes

**Morgana:** ok, The Man With A Will Stronger Than The Stars.

**Atreus:** you have me there oh Fallen One

 **Atreus:** speaking of titles

 **Atreus:** Ill distract Pentakill while you see what your sister wants, if you wish Morgana?

**Morgana:** that flowed well

 **Morgana:** wasn’t a forced segway at all

 **Morgana:** …ok, yeah please

**Zoe:** hey guys!

**Leona:** Zoe!

 **Leona:** what did we say about the hacking?

**Zoe:** no, no, this is important!

 **Zoe:** I need to talk to Moon Mom, but my messages aren’t working

**Diana:** why arent your messages working kiddo?

**Zoe:** cause my phone got counter hacked by Ali and shes being a buttface about it

 **Zoe:** im stuck on Pc, this is technically a cross platform messenger app but no one uses the pc version cause its super SUPER lame compared to other Pc ones, but its pretty good for a mobile one

 **Zoe:** ANYWAY

 **Zoe:** where did I leave my hairbrush?

**Diana:** Bathroom cupboard

**Zoe:** thanks!

  
 **Diana:** are you running late? I thought you didnt have any recording until after our shifts?

**Zoe:** no, I just need to win a bet with Luxy!

 **Zoe:** she said she might be a little late, and Im never earlier than her so Im gonna go super early to make sure I get their before her and then shell be super surprised and I win!

**Diana:** have a nice time then

 **Diana:** make sure Phel and Alune know youve gone

 **Diana:** we have to get back to the lunch rush

 **Diana:** and the ‘celebrities are in the area’ rush

 **Diana:** Sun Mom says ‘have a nice day’

**Zoe:** I will!

 **Zoe:** aaand I gotta go too to get there super early before Lux

 **Zoe:** see you when I get home!

 **Zoe** **miiight have left the chat**

**Morgana:** so, is she actually gone or…?

**Soraka:** to be safe, talk to your sister instead of the chat :)

**Morgana:** fiiine

** P E N T A K I L L **

**Sona:** Kayle, your sister is a goddess

  
 **Kayle:** yes?

**Sona:** have you ever _tried_ her baking

 **Sona:** these things are love, life, and everything in between

**Kayle:** ah

 **Kayle:** you were being hyperbolic out of praise towards her culinary skills

**Sona:** ffs, how bad are your social skills?

**Kayle:** I dont know, how long is a piece of string?

 **Kayle:** how far away is a star?

 **Kayle:** how drunk is Olaf?

**Olaf:** Very!

 **Olaf:** I forgot how good Atreus’ stash is!

 **Olaf:** and as the booze clouds my vision and the lights draw in, all makes sense

 **Olaf:** for what are we if not fleeting?

 **Olaf:** as fleeting as my fading vision?

 **Olaf:** furthermore, is to lose inhibitions not tos eek enlightenment?

**Olaf has been muted**

**Mordekaiser:** thanks boss

**Karthus:** no one wants to deal with drunklaf

 **Karthus:** someone keep an eye on him to make sure he doesnt die?

**Kayle:** why bother? We know he cannot perish outside a peaceful failure of his mortal frame

 **Kayle:** and as much as you could argue that alcohol poisoning qualifies, I doubt thats what the fates intended

**Sona:** have you been hitting the bottle too Kayle?

**Kayle:** what?

 **Kayle:** is that not… common knowledge?

**Mordekaiser:** no?

 **Mordekaiser:** makes some of the stuff the crazy bastards survived make more sense, but I didtn know anything about that?

**Karthus:** seriously?

 **Karthus:** his soul screams from its torment- a warrior denied a warriors death

 **Karthus:** I swear one of our songs was about it?

**Mordekaiser:** karthus, have you seen how big my axe is?

 **Mordekaiser:** I cant hear shit over myself

 **Mordekaiser:** definitely not your scratchy-ass screaming

**Karthus:** you want to fight???

**Mordekaiser:** it would not be a fight, but a slaughter

**Karthus:** Ill drag your soul back to the spirit world, tinman

**Mordekaiser:** and Nightfall shall await us there

**Sona:** five fuckin seconds

 **Sona:** anyway, Yorick, did you know this?

**Yorick:** all spirits find peace eventually

 **Yorick:** I merely shepherd them along

 **Yorick:** I care not for the in-between

**Sona:** thats a no then

**Kayle:** apologies, I oft forget what is and isnt known

**Sona:** yeah, Ive noticed

 **Sona:** I still wanna know how you knew about the telepathy thing

**Kayle:** its just???

 **Kayle:** obvious??

 **Kayle:** your soul is singing, Id have to be deaf not to hear it

**Karthus:** you aren’t yet?

 **Karthas:** guess I need to scream louder for the ones in the back then

**Kayle:** you would shatter the whole planet long before you managed to do _me_ any permanent harm, Death Singer

**Sona:** oh yeah, speaking af edginess

 **Sona:** how did talk with Morg go?

 **Sona:** any better idea what to get her?

**Kayle:** we had a long heart to heart, and ultimately both realised the greatest gift to the other was our continued good relationship

 **Kayle:** also, Im giving her free tickets to our next show for her and her coworker, shes baking our birthday cake

 **Kayle:** Im assuming that’s alright, @Karthus?

**Karthus:** course it is, Angel

**Sona:** which coworker? anyone I know?

**Kayle:** Soraka

 **Kayle:** they’re good friends

  
 **Sona:** Sarah’s sister?

**Kayle:** wait, you know Fortune?

 **Kayle:** well enough for first names??

**Sona:** ?

 **Sona:** oh right, your in Caits precinct arent you?

  
 **Kayle:** Your friends with my BOSS?!

**Sona:** I mean, yeah

 **Sona:** im friends with Sarah, of course Im friends with Caitlyn

 **Sona:** Caitlyn is easy mode compared to Sarah

**Kayle:** ok, fair

 **Kayle:** when did you meet either of them??

**Sona:** um…

 **Sona:** police things?

**Kayle:** oh come on, I know you’re a better liar than _that_

**Sona:** guilty as charged

 **Sona:** you know that arcade I go to sometimes?

 **Sona:** the one where I broke an unbreakable record, and the _third_ musically talented mute girl called Sona definitely-unconnected-to-the-other-two-I-swear got semi-famous?

**Kayle:** yes?

**Sona:** Sarah’s a regular, she has the highest score on literally all of the gun games

 **Sona:** Cait’s been gaining on her, but she cant get used to the gun being crappier than she expects

 **Sona:** shes the better shooter, but Sarah can and will turn a _candlestick_ into a gun so she can use the arcade ones waaay better

 **Sona:** also, Im friends with ahri sooo

**Kayle:** Oh, right

 **Kayle:** that is Fortune’s sister who leads K/da, is it not?

**Sona:** yeah

 **Sona:** honestly, I barely know Soraka

 **Sona:** just in a ‘best friends kid sister’ kinda way yknow?

**Kayle:** similar, I suppose, to my connection with Fortune

 **Kayle:** an odd coincidence, non the less

**Olaf has been unmuted**

**Olaf:** ok, im sober

 **Olaf:** ish

**Sona:** how the flippedy frying pan _fuck_ do you sleep it off that fast?

**Olaf:** decades of experience shortie.

 **Olaf:** also, frying pan

 **Olaf:** why

**Sona:** because its alliteration

**Zoe has added themselves to the chat!**

**Zoe:** heya Pentakill!

 **Zoe:** your all super duper awesome first off!

 **Zoe:** im like, a massive fan!

 **Zoe:** like, my brothers way more of a K/DA fan

 **Zoe:** and my sister just listens to Dj Sona

 **Zoe:** and hasn’t noticed theyre totally the same

 **Zoe:** which is weird cause shes usually super duper smart

 **Zoe:** But whatever, Pentakill’s way cooler!

 **Zoe:** You have an ASPECT that’s like an instant win!

 **Zoe:** And no dumb dumb demons

 **Zoe:** and actual instruments

**Sona:** you fucking what kid??

**Zoe:** I meant the DJ deck!

 **Zoe:** not your Keyboard!

 **Zoe:** or Etwahl!

 **Zoe:** those are both super cool!

**Sona:** …I’ll allow it.

**Kayle:** Everchild, why are you here?

**Zoe:** oh right!

 **Zoe:** so, super important stuff is happening and my phone still isnt working, but yeah you have been heralded!

 **Zoe:** can you help my mom?

**Kayle:** I

 **Kayle:** what?

**Zoe:** Oh, Ill just add the relevant people to that chat, duh!

 **Zoe:** why didnt I think of that sooner??

**Zoe has portalled out of this reality, say bye!**

**Sona:** since when did this app have custom leaving messages?

**Kayle:** since a bratty hacker joined our chat

**Zoe:** rude!

 **Zoe:** aaand Im done!

 **Zoe:** See You all next chapter!

**Zoe has left for real this time, I swear guys! You’re super awesome by the way Pentakill!**

**Sona:** the fuck?

**Kayle:** don’t question the Everchild

 **Kayle:** down that path lies only her madness

  
 **Sona:** I mean, that too, but she joined the chat to add you to some other chat and didn’t even let me rubberneck?

 **Sona:** and she called _you_ rude

 **Sona:** -_-


	16. Everchild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I now have something almost resembling a backlog! 
> 
> ...Ok, I just cut this chapter into three cause it felt like it was dragging on a bit. But still! productivity! Just need to finish formatting the rest, and then I have two chapters ready to go! Dunno what I'm going to do with that, because I don't exactly have a schedule in the first place, but it's still neat to have.

** SAS **

**Ahri:** who the fuck are you ‘Everchild’ and who the hell did you just add?

**Everchild:** oh! Sorry!

 **Everchild:** I completely forgot I blocked their names!

 **Everchild:** its just a thing I do on autopilot

 **Everchild:** basically Im kinda a prophet, and my mom is like SUPER involved so when I mentioned what needed heralding she kinda wanted tot help?

 **Everchild:** and she called in some favours from friends, cause shes super strong and their also super strong and Agony’s Embrace is kinda your only manpower here

 **Everchild:** well, and Ahri but she cheats >:(

 **Everchild:** also, Im gonna leave, see you!

**The Everchild has work to do!**

**Leona:** Diana, *** takes after you far too much

 **Leona:** wait, why did *** get censored?

**Diana:** im not going to argue there

**Everchild:** No using my real name!

 **Everchild:** itll cause problems

**Leona:** sure thing kiddo

 **Leona:** warn us _before_ dumping us in a chat next time though, ok?

**Everchild:** I will!

 **Everchild:** sorry I forgot moms

**Diana:** its fine

 **Diana:** you were excited to help people

 **Diana:** that’s the good type of over-eager

**Everchild:** yee

 **Everchild:** gtg

**Everchild double left cause her super-cool bestie got here!**

**MF:** that the cute kid Soraka mentioned Lee?

**Leona:** one of them

 **Leona:** if it was Soraka though, she probably meant the twins

**MF:** ah right, Alune is more than three letters

 **MF:** that ‘Zee’/’Dawn’?

**Leona:** yes

 **Leona:** oh, of course, your friends with Lux

 **Leona:** wondered where youd heard Dawn from

  
**Kai’sa:** um

 **Kai’sa:** who are you people?

 **Kai’sa:** wait

 **Kai’sa:** ok, everyone ‘Everchild’ just added, state your name, reason for being here and abilities, to the extent that is relevant and which you are willing to share.

**Kayle:** Im Kayle, I have no idea why im here but Im guessing its for Morgana seeing as her friends kid was the one dumping me here

**Morgana:** Im the sister, who died and made you boss?

**Kai’sa:** the countless innocents who would not listen when I warned them

**Morgana:** mood

 **Morgana:** Im just here to help Diana tbh

 **Morgana:** I owe her one, sadly

**Diana:** you owe me _several_ , and this will wipe all your debts clear

**Kayle:** why am I here then Sister?

**Morgana:** were dealing with someone the almighty Aspects of Night and Day cannot handle

 **Morgana:** as much as I despise it, I need my blade

**Kayle:** oh

 **Kayle:** shit

 **Kayle:** ok

**Leona:** Im here for my wife, like everyone seems to be

**Diana:** hi, Im her wife

 **Diana:** hey Sivanus, how have you been?

**Sivir:** fuck you bitch

**Diana:** oh come on

 **Diana:** you died long before I started causing problems on _purpose_!

**Sivir:** Akali didnt

**Diana:** of course

 **Diana:** honestly, why am I even surprised she was the first one to find you

 **Diana:** you brats were basically sisters, even back then

**Sivir:** yeah

 **Sivir:** then I fucking DIED

**Diana:** oh, come on, dont blame me for that

 **Diana:** TF was the one who decided you needed to die for it to work

 **Diana:** I just… didnt correct him

 **Diana:** honestly, I was trying to do the right thing

 **Diana:** I thought letting that idiot kill you would sabotage the ritual!

**Evelynn:** it distinctly did not

**Diana:** oh

 **Diana:** thats what Zee meant

 **Diana:** hello agonys embrace

**Evelynn:** hello dark valkyrie

**Diana:** that is my title no longer

 **Diana:** I am the Scorn of The Moon

**Leona:** Aspect*

**Diana:** *scorn

**Leona:** babe…

**Diana:** it suits me better

  
**Leona:** fine

**Sivir:** whipped

**Diana:** oh right

 **Diana:** I knew there was a reason I felt no remorse for killing you

**Sivir:** fuck u

**Diana:** so eloquent, cutpurse

**Sivir:** foR THELAST FUCKING TIME

 **Sivir:** IM NOT A CUTPURSE

 **Sivir:** such petty robberies are beneath me

 **Sivir:** now, cut _throat_

**Diana:** yes, yes

 **Diana:** so very badass

**Leona:** @Kai’sa Ill rein in mine if you rein in yours?

**Diana:** very scary

 **Diana:** hey!

**Kai’sa:** we dont exactly have time to bicker

 **Kai’sa:** please, could you put your differences aside?  
  


**Sivir:** sure thing if we can completely ignore what Leona said

**Kai’sa:** Im trying to!

 **Kai’sa:** anyway, anyone else here?

 **Kai’sa:** ill take the lack of reply as a ‘no’

 **Kai’sa:** none of you mentioned your abilities, but the way you talked among yourselves Im assuming you are equal to or stronger than the Ashen Lord?

**Kayle:** oh, that’s who we’re ffighting?

 **Kayle:** how grand

 **Kayle:** I shall gladly wet my blade on his Infernal blood, in the name of what is Just

**Morgana:** yeah, no, im just doing it for the debt-wiping

 **Morgana:** babysitting the baby Twilight Aspect is not my idea of a fun evening

**Leona:** Zee isnt that bad

**Morgana:** for _you_

 **Morgana:** I made the mistake of letting her know I can bake Mooncake, shes been insufferable since

 **Morgana:** although, @Diana, was this chapter of terrible decisions before or after we met?

**Diana:** before

 **Diana:** storming heavens gates was the last of my attempts.

**Morgana:** ...right

 **Morgana:** it definitely wasnt my first thought when I learned where they were.

 **Morgana:** at all

**Ahri:** I feel underqualified

**Kai’sa:** how do you think I feel?

 **Kai’sa:** why was surviving literal hell less complicated than being a popstar??

 **Kai’sa:** anway, if you can face the Ashen Lord in combat and live to tell the tale, we’ll put you in group C

**Evelynn:** i counted as a whole group?

 **Evelynn:** well, fair enough

 **Evelynn:** i do have a big… _personality_ ;)

**Ahri:** keep it in your pants for the planning phase Evie :P

 **Ahri:** anyway, Group A, consisting of me, @Sivir, @Kai’sa, @MF and @Syndra will infiltrate the Ashen ones domain  
**Ahri:** Group B (@Xayah, @Rakan, @Neeko, @Ezreal) will create a diversion SAFELY with @Soraka keeping them alive

 **Ahri:** and if ANY of them die, Ill kill them myself

 **Ahri:** while the Infernals @Sivir hasnt convinced to stay out of this fight deal with Group B, Group A will attempt to claim the souls of the Infernals, hopefully including Xerath himself’s, and use them to freeze the hostile Infernals where they are while I return Akalis to her body

 **Ahri:** If either component doesnt go as planned, Group C, formally just Eve, will storm the keep and fight the Ashen Lord, eliminating him if possible but prioritising keeping him from interfering with Group A or killing Group B

 **Ahri:** any questions?

**Kayle:** several, but they arent plan related

 **Kayle:** most are asking what the hell is going on, but I know more than enough to know thy cause is Just

 **Kayle:** and I need not know more

**Morgana:** When is this happening?

**MF:** as soon as Im free

 **MF:** so, should be next Monday

**Kayle:** is that when your pulling the plug on this Bot Lane Gang?

**MF:** no

 **MF:** Ive already done my part there

 **MF:** all I need to do is shoot Vi in the head

**Kayle:** …you enjoy undercover jobs too much

**MF:** what, you wouldnt want to haze the newbie AND shoot Vi in the head?

 **MF:** in one fell swoop?

**Kayle:** no, because Zyra is adorable

 **Kayle:** are you considering her offer at all?

 **Kayle:** shes definitely got access to a greater power than she uses

**Morgana:** did you just say Zyra???

**Priestess:** did you just say Zyra!?

**Kayle:** yes?

**Morgana:** dm me a picture, if you have one?

**Priestess:** it _is_ her!

 **Priestess:** the forest nymph!

 **Priestess:** It is so grand to know she survived!

**Morgana:** um yes

 **Morgana:** great news shes still kicking

**Kayle:** ?

**Morgana:** …remember my emo phase?

**Kayle:** you mean from our birth to the current day?

**Morgana:** fuck off, I meant when I was dating the Horned Owl

 **Morgana:** …remember the Night Dove?

**Kayle:** oh

 **Kayle:** OH

 **Kayle:** if you don’t mind exposing her to your various secrets, I would strongly recommend Zyra as another member of Group C!

**Morgana:** I dont

 **Morgana:** shes still mad about me taking the breakup out on everyone else -_-

 **Morgana:** which, honestly

 **Morgana:** I _made_ his little cult, AND did all the work to get his stupiid friends into this realm

 **Morgana:** and then they have the nerve to act like it was their hard work I was burning to the ashes and sealing in the Old Gods Realm!

**Kayle:** um. Apologies for the incident with the Sun

**Morgana:** eh, its all in the past

 **Morgana:** also, indirectly got me a free show

 **Morgana:** got to meet the mopiest knight ever

**Leona:** in my defense

 **Leona:** I had literally _just_ been forced to kill my girlfriend

 **Leona:** for the third time

 **Leona:** yknow

 **Leona:** because of you

**Morgana:** oh, you knew she’d get better

**Leona:** I dont think I did in that lifetime actually

**Morgana:** wait, you didnt??

 **Morgana:** @Kayle??

**Kayle:** I only granted her that power because I knew her to be trustworthy

 **Kayle:** I may have been in a rush  
  


**Morgana:** for what, you spent that century moping??

**Kayle:** my first meeting with Karthus?

**Morgana:** oh ok thats fair

 **Morgana:** anyway

 **Morgana:** Zyras around again and offered to help?

 **Morgana:** we might have a brawl b4 we get to that point again but we work well together

 **Morgana:** and if that little princess is finally able to unleash her full power, in this realm or the Ashen Lords?

 **Morgana:** Id say shes stronger than even myself

**Priestess:** oh, I am so glad to hear she has been doing well!

 **Priestess:** I feared for her safety when I was, by proxy, banished from our land

 **Priestess:** it was my power that protected what remained of her forest after all

 **Priestess:** although, I suppose with the war won she could simply return and guard it herself

**Ahri:** did

 **Ahri:** did you just call death banishment by proxy??

**Priestess:** well, that was all it was in effect

 **Priestess:** I knew long before I passed exactly which ‘afterlife’ I had consigned myself too

 **Priestess:** my beloved Djinn being forced to leave as well was the only unexpected part of the outcome

**Soraka:** Im on my break!

 **Soraka:** sorry I was afk, backreading now!

 **Soraka:** oh, hey guys!

 **Soraka:** wait, how did Zee add you?

 **Soraka:** I thought she said her phone wasnt working?

**Diana:** …huh

 **Diana:** I completely missed that

 **Diana:** guess she talked that hacker friend of hers into un-hacking it?

 **Diana:** or just unhacked it herself

**Soraka:** ah, of course

**Kai’sa:** um, could someone explain to me who Zyra is, why shes useful, why Soraka knows mystery added people?

 **Kai’sa:** just

 **Kai’sa:** honestly, pick a question

 **Kai’sa:** any answer would be nice??

**Soraka:** oh! Diana, Leona and Morgana are my coworkers

 **Soraka:** Morganas the one who makes those pretzels you like!

**Kai’sa:** Oh!

 **Kai’sa:** @Morgana, youre an amazing baker!

**Morgana:** thank you for the compliment

**MF:** Zyra is the partner Cait gave her gf

 **MF:** said sometin weird about trees whispering to her and how shed help us kill the bastard

 **MF:** Something about trees?

 **MF:** the useful, idk ask mystery added people and @Preistess

 **MF:** who, seriously @Ahri, HOW DO YOU KNOW HER??

**Ahri:** magic :3

**MF:** Im going to shoot you

 **MF:** in the head

 **MF:** so many times

**Xayah:** lines Sarah

 **Xayah:** your at the end of any line involving shooting Ahri

**Rakan:** hey, do we shoot people?

 **Rakan:** like, is it more of a shoot, or more of a throw?

**Xayah:** more of a throw, but I bought a gun remember?

**Rakan:** Oh right!

 **Rakan:** our Tubebow!

**Xayah:** we arent calling it a Tubebow

**Rakan:** ok honey ;)

 **Rakan:** (its totally a Tubebow ;))

**Ezreal:** take it to DMs lovebirds!

 **Ezreal:** …im so dead

 **Ezreal:** please, make my tomb simply read ‘W o r t h’


	17. Cops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this fic has massive tonal whiplash and its like... 70% intentional? Anyway, hope you enjoy!

**Direct Messages (Fortune, Vi)**

**Fortune:** how trustworthy is your partner, Vi?

**Vi:** this is about the message in the gc isnt it?

**Fortune:** no its about a birthday party

**Fortune:** of course its about the gc

**Vi:** look, idk what that was about either

**Vi:** but I trust her as far as I can throw her

**Vi:** and thats pretty damn far, shes like a twig

**Fortune:** thanks

**Vi:** hey, no pressure, but whats all this about?

**Vi:** whoever your familys tangled in hurt my partner, badly

**Vi:** I could see her when she sent that, she looked murderous

**Vi:** pretty damn out of character

**Vi:** this is the girl who gave _Trundle_ a flower crown to make his face prettier

**Vi:** and she was murderous

**Fortune:** honestly, I barely know

**Fortune:** but its important to Ahri

**Fortune:** and I refuse to let her pull away again

**Vi:** fair enough

**Vi:** dont get in over your head, k Fortune?

**Vi:** you still owe me a tenner

**Fortune:** wouldnt dream of it

**Fortune:** Im not dying single ;)

**Vi:** unless someone takes a Clue-by-Four to the back of Quinns head, you might

**Fortune:** ugh, dont remind me

**Fortune:** why are all the best ones oblivious?

**Vi:** I feel like thats a dig, but I honestly cant tell if its at me or Cupcait

**Fortune:** its a hard ‘both’

**Fortune:** you were both hard dropping hints since you first met, and somehow it took you two years to get together?

**Fortune:** you? Vi Olence? Miss ‘I loudly tell the whole office about my sex dreams cause it pisses of the secretary’?

**Vi:** In my defense

**Vi:** we were both pretty focused on taking down Urgot’s gang

**Fortune:** fair enough for the first year, but whats your excuse once he was behind bars?

**Vi:** that you’ve known Quinn how long now?

**Fortune:** Vi, the office walls have a tally of how many times Ive full-on asked her out, and shes assumed I meant as friends

**Fortune:** literally hanging over her desk

**Fortune:** Im pretty sure shes faking the obliviousness at this point, but I cant for the life of me figure out why

**Fortune:** but there is no way one of the best detectives in the precinct is that dumb

**Fortune:** so, its less not asking her out, more not poking whatever baggage makes her not want to go out with me _or_ turn me down directly, or even acknowledge that theres anything to turn down

**Vi:** shit, that got deep

**Fortune:** eh

**Fortune:** not rlly

**Fortune:** tl,dr shes not interested rn so Ive backed of outside of casual flirting

**Fortune:** verdict on Zyra?

**Vi:** you can trust her, but keep an eye out for her please?

**Vi:** Im worried, whoever your dealing with, its personal for her

**Fortune:** honestly, that tracks

**Fortune:** ahri somehow met one of the people who took this guy down the first time, she seems to know Zyra somehow

**Vi:** huh

**Vi:** what even is your life

**Fortune:** fun, flirting and grief-driven vows of revenge twice-sworn in the blood of my family against a world cruel enough to rob me of one twice

**Vi:** ayyy

**Vi:** trauma jokes

**Fortune:** ayy

**Fortune:** gtg add Zyra to our plan chat

**Fortune:** oh, by the way

**Fortune:** just a heads up?

**Fortune:** you wont be able to prove Jinx was anywhere near this when it pops

**Vi:** right

**Vi:** I figured as much

**Vi:** still got the ‘coolest cousin’ covering for her, or does she clean her own tracks now?

**Fortune:** the only cover Ive ever given her is cover _fire_ for that damn reckless streak of hers

**Fortune:** shes smarter than you give her credit for

**Fortune:** better person too

**Vi:** I know shes family and that means the world to you and all

**Vi:** But I will never accept that you can see good in her

**Vi:** Those arent the eyes of a good person making bad choices

**Vi:** theyre the eyes of someone the world chewed up and spat out, who just wants to watch it burn

**Fortune:** same could be said of you

**Fortune:** fore you met Caitlyn anyway

**Vi:** yeah

**Vi:** only pictures of her I can stand to look at, are the ones where shes making doe eyes at that Crownguard kid

**Vi:** and thats the _only_ reason I let her bullshit legal-speak slide

**Vi:** …shit this got deep again

**Vi:** why do we always do this? XD

**Fortune:** normals overrated

**Fortune:** all hours are angst hours when you want them to be

**Fortune:** and when you find a bitch just as happy-go-lucky but dead-inside as you

**Vi:** ayy

**Vi:** ill drink to that

**Vi:** hey, speaking of drinks

**Vi:** Ill waive your debt if you buy the first round?

**Fortune:** sure thing

**Fortune:** if you can drag Quinn along

**Vi:** birdnap Valor, got it

**Fortune:** lol

** SAS **

**MF:** adding Zyra, if thats chill? @Sivir?

  
**Sivir:** why you asking me?

**MF:** cause I know not to piss of the waitress?

**Sivir:** smart

**MF:** (also, its your business the most out of the people who havent already chipped in)

**Sivir:** also smart

**Sivir:** and I really dont care

**Sivir:** its the popstars whose face this might blow up in if things go sour

**Evelynn:** very true

**Evelynn:** youre smarter than you look, gatekeeper

**Sivir:** again, Agony, not my title anymore

**Diana:** wait, it isnt??

**Sivir:** nope

**Sivir:** passed the duty and title to someone better suited

**Sivir:** I was trying to get rid of this dumb knife, but it didnt work

**Diana:** of course it didnt, the Chalicar is yours as much as my Crescent Moonblade is mine, else the Xenith Blade is Leonas

**Diana:** else whatever the Twins sword is called belongs to them

**Kayle:** Virtue

**Sivir:** wait

**Sivir:** fuckin wait a sec

**Sivir:** this is?? A thing??

**Sivir:** this was something you could predict??

**Sivir:** This was something you _knew would happen???_

**Sivir:** and you _Still let me do it????_

**Diana:** technically, I encouraged you

**Diana:** it was a means to my end

**Sivir:** a means to an end???>

**Sivir:** ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

**Sivir:** do you know how much this blade has made me suffer?

**Sivir:** I have lost count of how many lives I have led

**Sivir:** and not once has my blade stayed dry

**Sivir:** it finds me

**Sivir:** it _always finds me_

**Sivir:** Im a PIZZA GIRL

**Sivir:** I work at a knock-off fucking Pizza Hut!

**Sivir:** this damn Beyblade found me, bleeding out in an alley, killed for my part in a centuries old conflict I couldnt hope to understand

**Sivir:** and suddenly, Sivir the ordinary pizza girl had to explain why night skys made her cry, remembering the cutting blades of a traitor

**Sivir:** why she took a knife to casual spelunking trips

**Sivir:** why a red-tinted moon made her bow her head in fear, lost in thoughts of the monsters she knew to roam this world

**Sivir:** Im not even sure all my lives have been in the same _universe_ for fucks sake

**Sivir:** In fact, they definitely _havent_

**Diana:** you remember each lifetime?

**Sivir:** YES

**Diana:** that part was unexpected

**Diana:** the Chalicar would always be bound to you, but i didnt anticipate your memories would bind to it in turn

**Diana:** for that I apologise

**Sivir:** right, but not for damning me in the first place

**Diana:** no

**Diana:** I cannot apologise for something I cannot regret

**Leona:** Dia

**Sivir:** no thats fair

**Sivir:** Just

**Sivir:** for fucks sake please

**Sivir:** explain how you somehow bribed the moon into choosing you?

**Leona:** sleeping with the sun

**Diana:** Leo!  
  


**Leona:** what? It’s the truth

**Leona:** the aspects were desperate to reunite, so they chose the suns most devout follower, and the only one she held dear noble enough to fight the world when shown the moon’s truth

**Sivir:** noble?

**Sivir:** since when

**Leona:** since her bitterness at her exile lessened

**Sivir:** wait

**Sivir:** that book spoke truth?

**Diana:** what book?

**Sivir:** …so

**Sivir:** using introspection

**Sivir:** I may have accidently read your diary

**Diana:** …what

**Sivir:** I thought it was a novel!

**Sivir:** it sounded so fake, all that talk of Valkyries and the idea _you_ were the good guy!

**Diana:** YOU READ MY DIARY????

**Sivir:** I thought you knew!

**Sivir:** I fixed the spelling mistakes!!!

**Diana:** That was you????

**Diana:** ok, definitely dont regret killing you _now_ brat

**Ahri:** isnt

**Ahri:** isnt that a meme?

**Kai’sa:** which part

  
**Ahri:** yes

**Sivir:** aand I forgot there are other people in this chat

**Sivir:** kill me now please

**Kai’sa:** id rather not

**Sivir:** cmon, not like itll stick ;)

**Sivir:** @Diana we still have more to talk about

**Diana:** Understandable

**Diana:** but it can wait until this battle has passed?

**Sivir:** course

**Sivir:** Im a professional

**Morgana:** soooo

**Morgana:** adding the White Dove?

**Sivir:** oh, right, other people need adding

**Sivir:** one second

**Sivir** **has deleted 12 messages.**

**MF:** yeah, that’s fair

**MF has deleted 2 messages**

**MF:** anyone else want to delete shit quickly?

**MF:** 5

**MF:** 4

**MF:** 3

**MF:** 2

**MF:** 1?

**MF has added Zyra to SAS**

**MF:** backread newbie

**Zyra:** Hello everyone!

**Zyra:** um!

**Zyra:** why are the messages before ‘no, because Zyra is adorable” missing?

**Zyra:** I am scared?

**MF:** ;)


End file.
